The All-Purpose Yes

B wanted a piece of chocolate sour cream cake.

"You want milk with that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you want a small glass or a big glass?"

"Oh you asked me if I wanted milk!"

"Uhhhh...yeah. What did you think I said?"

"I had no idea what you said."

"Then why did you answer 'yes' if you didn't know what I asked?"

"I didn't know what you said but it sounded like something I should say 'yes' to."

"Why didn't you just ask me to repeat what I said?"

"Honey, sometimes it's just easier to say 'yes' and not worry about details. It's hard to make a mistake with you if I just answer 'yes'."

I don't know whether to be overjoyed ("Sweetie, can we buy a new car?" "Yes!") or annoyed that sometimes, to him, I'm no more than running my mouth to hear my lips flap.

Over It By Next Week

I almost hesitate to bring up the whole birthday/holiday/city festival weekend because I don't want to complain. And it's not even that there's much to complain about but still a few things are sticking in my craw.

Friday was B's birthday and we'd planned a couple months ago that if the weather was good we'd celebrate it the next day at the city festival. Go to the beer tent that was located at the end of our block, hang out with friends, have some beer and celebrate. My MIL informed us early last week that she and Gerd didn't want to go to the beer tent because it's too loud. M'kay. You may beg off.

We'd spoken with our friend, Kirsten, and she was going to be at the city festival on Saturday and we said that we'd meet up with her there. But with B there's always the caveat that if he's not feeling well, he can't go out. Sitting upright can be hard for him - it's just part of his physiology. Kirsten told us on Friday that we should call her daughter, Freya, on Saturday afternoon to coordinate meeting up with them - time and location and all that.

On Saturday B was about 75% in favor of going out. He wasn't feeling the greatest and it would be his first time outside since November so there was the possibility that he wouldn't be able to sit up and go in his wheelchair for more than maybe a half hour or so. Then my MIL and Gerd informed us that they were meeting friends around 4:30pm. They could help me get B into his wheelchair but if after an hour B had to go home because he couldn't sit up any longer, he'd be shit-out-of-luck. I appreciate their help but this time they were being...shall I say...a bit stingy with it - but that's a subject for another day. B decided that he wasn't feeling good enough to take the chance that he'd be stuck in his wheelchair without any available help to get him back out of it so he decided not to go out at all. We talked with Kirsten and Freya around 4:30 and I said I'd come up the street to meet with them.

It was nice to see them and I had a couple fast beers on an empty stomach with them before they had to leave to get back home to take care of their dogs. I walked around the festival for another thirty minutes and then went back home where I availed myself of the bathroom and promptly threw up the liter of beer I'd slugged down.

I was telling B about my visit with Kirsten and what the fair was like and B was saying that he was planning on getting out on Sunday. About then Kirsten called - drunk, I'm sure because she was fairly lit when I saw her an hour before - and got all up in B's grill about him not going out and how he was being lazy and he couldn't isolate himself from people and she was so mad at him. On and on about how she was going to insist that he get out more and he needed to get off his ass (the perfect thing to say to a quadriplegic). She yapped on for fifteen minutes and B couldn't get a word in edgewise. Then Kirsten hung up and B was furious. He seldom gets angry, even more seldom ever gets angry at Kirsten but now he was chapped something fierce. He didn't say much except to tell me he didn't know if he wanted to ever speak to her again but I know he was ringing the bell on the B-is-pissed scale.

As for me I was still rather drunk myself so I didn't say a lot at the time but thinking back on it...well, I'm not so much angry at Kirsten because I think she was shooting her mouth off because she was half plowed but I'm disappointed. Disappointed and irked. Does she think that B stays inside because he likes it? Is she under the impression that he looks at one room for six months straight because he digs the color of the walls? He's a quadriplegic. And while that doesn't limit the activity of some quads, it does for him. Every quadriplegic responds differently to his/her injury. B doesn't regulate his body temperature well so he can't go out if it's too hot and really can't handle any cold. His breathing is compromised and sitting upright makes it worse. We don't even mention the increased chance of him getting a pressure sore from possibly sitting on a fold in his clothes. B's older now and every year it's harder for his body, which is already compromised, to bounce back from any traumas. He's had a spinal cord injury for twenty-five years now, which is a fairly long time as far as that goes, and why has he had relatively few physical traumas in that time? Because he doesn't like to push his body past what he believes he can handle. What does that have to be turned into him being afraid and isolating himself?

B's sort of over Kirsten's phone call but he can be stubborn about such things. He won't hold a grudge but he won't seek out calling her either unless I talk him into it. And we did go out the next day. My MIL and Gerd came over and we all went to a cafe that was just at the edge of where the festival was located and it was nice. Still there was that stingy-with-the-help vibe from my MIL that I can't put my finger on.

But that's a bitch for another day.

Friday Shuffle - His Birthday, My Gift Edition

I love my husband more than I have ever loved anyone but there's one thing about him that I don't like - he's impossible to buy gifts for. He goes through clothes slowly so buying them for him as a gift is simply not needed. He doesn't wear watches or any other sort of jewelry. He doesn't carry a wallet. He's not into sweets or gourmet foods or wine. And he really, really, really doesn't need shoes. Sometimes he likes to have something for his computer - a game or some sort of accessory but even that is a rarity so it's generally not a gift giving choice when a gift giving occasion comes up.

Today is B's birthday and so what did I get him for his birthday? Nothing. I was going to get him one of those digital weather station things but at the last moment his mom said she had one that she's never opened and so he said "Oh I'll take it.". I did buy him flowers but that's it. He simply doesn't want anything right now so I'll just wait for the day when he does say he wants some sort of gadget or game and I'll run right out and get it for him.

But gifts were still received today - by me. I've been whining for ages for a new cell phone but like B needing shoes, I have very little need of a cell phone. I have one but I rarely use it - it's only used if I'm calling him to say I'm going to be late or he's calling me to say I need to come home right away. In other words I use it about four times a year. We'd look at cell phones but couldn't justify replacing the one I have for no other reason than it's nerdy looking. And then the cell phone gods smiled upon me and made my MIL's used-even-less-than-mine cell phone crapped out. Since they're both pre-paid cell phone accounts B and I decided to buy me a new cell phone, switch out the SIM cards and give my MIL my old cell.

The new one arrived today and I wish I were kidding when I say that I have done virtually nothing all day that hasn't revolved around me diddling with it. I can't help it though. It's so cute. It's piiiiiiink!!





Tell me that's not adorable! All it needs is some glitzy and oh-so-tacky cell phone jewelry and I'm all set!

So all day while the house phone has rung off the hook with birthday calls for B we've been messing with virtually ever feature of my new toy. And while it should be a day when B ooohs and aahhs over something for him, he's been over-the-moon happy that I'm so thrilled with the cell phone I've been wanting for so long. That's one of the reasons I adore my husband so much. He's at his happiest when he's done something sweet and thoughtful for me and seeing me enjoy it so much.

Happy birthday, my darling. Every time we celebrate the day you were born I know I'm the recipient of the best gift I could ever wish for - your steadfast, precious love.

Today's shuffle comes exclusively from my love song playlist. Grab someone you love, hold 'em close and slow dance while Bixente the iPod provides the mood music.

1. Longer - Dan Fogelberg
2. Kiss You All Over - Exile
3. Pressing Lips - Pursuit of Happiness
4. The Game Of Love - The Mindbenders
5. You'll Never Know - Rosemary Clooney
6. O What A Thrill - The Mavericks
7. The Air That I Breathe - The Hollies
8. Beautiful Dream - Adam Ant
9. Devoted To You - Everly Brothers
10. Crazy Love - Van Morrison

Have a love-filled weekend.

Five Dots

Seemingly random events all made tidy by the addition of dots.

I wish I could describe to y'all what I just saw out of my kitchen window and express it in a way that you could really imagine it. At the horizon the sky is still somewhat illuminated but all the gold and reds from the sunset are gone. As the sky rises the blues deepen and it's so subtle it's almost impossible to tell where the colors change. And in the deepest blue - the sky being nearly black - a bright, white crescent moon hangs and glows. It was utterly captivating to see.

Yesterday during my name my doorbell for the main downstairs door rang and when I asked via the intercom what they wanted the man said he rang at another neighbor's bell. I told him that he rang by the [insert my last name here] family and he again told me he rang by...whatever name it was. I forget now. He didn't seem to get that he rang my bell and not the bell of whom he was looking for. This afternoon the doorbell rang again and this time the man said it was UPS and he had a package for Herr Fox (now that I think of it, it seems weird that for a German person to have the last name of "Fox" and not "Fuchs", which is the German word for "fox") and thinking that he rang by me to get me to accept the package because Herr Fox wasn't home I buzzed him in. The UPS dude came up, I took the package, signed for it and he said he'd leave a delivery notice on Herr Fox's mailbox. Herr Fox has not picked up his package and upon closer examination of the package I see that yesterday's date was written on it with the note that he rang by Fox and [insert my last name here] answered and that the mailbox is stuffed full. And upon further consideration on my part I think Herr Fox is the dude that moved out of our building earlier this week - I'm not 100% sure about that though. In any case it seems that I have a box of shampoo here (I looked up the business from where this package comes - I mean I didn't want to have a box of anthrax sitting in my hallway) for a guy who may not live here anymore, a delivery notice that may be lost in the pile of crap the guy has stuffed in his mailbox and a neighbor whose doorbell rings at my apartment.

So after a year of my MIL and Gerd being together each and every day and him essentially living at her place full time for the past six months they've decided to go ahead and just get rid of his apartment and live together in sin full time. Well. You know. Okay. If that's what they want to do. It's none of my business but I told her to document very well what stuff is absolutely hers alone because I'm not having them both expire at the same time and having his two kids who he has virtually no contact with anyway swoop in and claim that everything there is their's. The most disturbing things though are that they're buying a new sofa but buying it on credit. My MIL has never bought anything on credit in her life. It's one of those zero percent financing things but still. I thought B's head was going to explode when she said they bought a sofa on credit. I can't even describe how anti-credit he is. And then they're getting an aquarium. I know my MIL hates aquariums. B had one when he was a teenager and she complained about it constantly. I know she's commented that other friends of ours are nuts for having them - too much to fool with, in her opinion. B asked her why she consented to an aquarium and my MIL replied "Well Gerd's always had them before and you know you have to make compromises when you live with someone.". I can't disagree with that but...I dunno. It's not my life. Good grief, she's 74 years old. If it makes her happy she may as well do what she wants.

Since my MIL is making room for Gerd's stuff she's sorting through all sorts of stuff and gave us a pile of photographs for us to look at, keep which ones we want and toss the rest. The pile she gave us today included photos from B's first wedding. Egad! There's no envy or hard feelings on my part because I know how that woman hurt him (she filed for divorce while he was still in the rehab hospital after his accident) and B has nothing but contempt for her now but it's still a little weird for me to see him looking happy with another woman. I'm actually feeling uncomfortable for him because I think it makes him feel sort of embarrassed. As far as I'm concerned the only thing he really needs to be embarrassed about is the mustache he wore at that time. Holy smokes. Couple that with his long hair and he greatly resembles a 70s porn star. Thank goodness he ditched that look. It is rather interesting though to see photos of him from that time because it was about a year before his accident and it's strange for me to see an adult B standing upright.

It's Pfingsten (Pentecost) weekend and that means Stadtfest! It's the annual city festival - four days of fun right outside my door. Beer tent at the end of my block! Perfect weather anticipated for the whole long weekend! Fun and shows and games and great food to my heart's content. I am again reminded why I'm so glad we moved to this apartment.

We're celebrating and shuffling tomorrow to be ready to dance.

Blessed Luxury

My tummy virus is either not the 24 hour type or is as lazy as I am and refuses to budge. I've been going back and forth with it all day - either I feel fine or I'm doubled over with sharp pains which may be nothing more than too much Imodium and my digestive system believing that the equivalent of a little Dutch boy's finger plugging up a leaking dike has transpired.

At any rate I had things to accomplish today - laundry and a trip to the bakery. A bathroom to scrub. The general care and cleaning of my husband. B's physiotherapist had her regular Wednesday appointment with him and once she was gone I lost no time in pulling the bedroom shades in order to block out the afternoon sun that would otherwise cause me to burst into flames and laid down to take a nap. I know from past experience that when my tummy is acting cranky the best thing for me is to curl up and just sleep.

And it was perfect! I had the windows open and the breeze was floating in making the air in the room just the right temperature. I could hear the birds singing and the occasional car drive down the street but instead of disturbing me it was more like white noise. And as I lay there about to drift off I could only think about how lucky I was. Not just lucky. Absolutely blessed. There I was, not feeling very well but not so sick that it was completely ruining my day. I had been able to finish my chores and errands without too much trouble and I had hours free with which I could sooth myself with a nap. In my comfortable home. On my comfortable bed. With sweet, comfortable air surrounding me. Back in the days when I used to work in an office there were times when I would have cried and begged and paid money to be able to take a nap when I wasn't feeling well and now here I was able to do it with nothing more being required of me than to decided to do it. How my fortunes have changed!

And then I thought of those who aren't as lucky and blessed as I am. Friends who have a chronic illness and they still have to show up at their offices every day. Or what about the people who live in poverty? Refugees without a home. Victims of nature's wrath who used to not have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it from and now they really don't have a thing to their names. I don't want to feel guilty that I have things they don't and have the luxury to be able to sleep in the middle of the afternoon for no other reason than I want to but I have to at least acknowledge that I lead a lucky life. A blessed life. A privileged life. Jeez, I was so grateful for that time that I could rest that I could have cried.

And it worked. Ninety minutes later the tummy troubles were improved and I could get on with my day. My nap made me feel so much better. Except for the part of my legs that laid in in the path of the sun that was streaming through the side of the window shade. They nearly burst into flames.

Help Me Decide

I'm sitting here thinking over my day and I just can't decide on what part of it I liked best. There's just so much to choose from!

Your choices:

~ The part where I'd just finished brushing my teeth and I threw up for five minutes afterwards. That really good kind you do when you've haven't as yet eaten anything.

~ The part where stopped for a red light and a man who I estimate was somewhere between 70 and 70,000 years old came within a hair's breadth of rear-ending me and in the process scared me out of my mind.

~ Then there's the part where I spent the afternoon with my stomach tied in knots. Evidently I've picked up some tummy virus.

~ There's the part where I fell asleep while sitting on the sofa and woke up with a crick in my neck and a pounding headache.

~ And what may be my personal favorite - going to the gynecologist and having her pinch me. Three times. You're not getting any more details than that but I know my female readers winced when they read that.

Here's the real best part. I know tomorrow will definitely be an improvement over today.

Friday Shuffle - Get Up And Get Out Edition

I desperately need to get out of the house this weekend. I need to get out on my own, take a walk, go sit on a park bench and knit or jack myself up at a cafe and read. Something! The rut I'm currently in is astonishingly deep. It's not that I need a break or I need to escape - I just need to spring myself from doing the same thing every day at the same time every day. I am boring the tee-total crap out of myself.

And whatever it is that I need to do, I know I need to do it outside. I am desperate for fresh air.

Bixente the iPod's gonna go with me no matter what I end up doing. He's always up for an adventure. Shuffle for me, fella.

1. Scare Easy - Mudcrutch
2. Little T&A - The Rolling Stones
3. Johnny Guitar - Grant-Lee Phillips
   
4. Rosalyn - David Bowie
5. God Only Knows - The Beach Boys
6. Gimme Some Lovin' - Spencer Davis Group
7. I Love Paris - Ella Fitzgerald
8. Kodachrome - Paul Simon
9. In Dreams - Roy Orbison
10. House Of Cards - Radiohead

Y'all have a great weekend. Go get some air.