100 things about Dixie

1. If I could live at the Peabody Hotel, I would.
2. When I was 10 I hit my brother in the back so hard he cried. I still feel bad about that.
3. I wish I still had my LiddleKiddles .
4. I was a complete disaster in college.
5. If I ever saw Miss Stille, one of my 4th grade teachers, I'd call her a bitch to her face. And blame her for number 4.
6. I'm fascinated when I watch film footage from World War II but any color film of Hitler scares me.
7. Bacon. Bacon on a sandwich. Bacon on a salad. Bacon with eggs. Bacon with pancakes. I'm fairly certain I'd eat dirt if it came with a side of bacon.
9. Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp. My definition of unfunny.
10. Alternate definition? Nancy.
11. I'd like to get dozens of roses, press the blooms close together and push my face into them.
12. I like sitting on my father's headstone.
13. I often threaten to tell others off but seldom do so. Miss Stille is probably safe.
14. I've been coloring my hair for twenty years.
15. A good way to make me scream was for my brothers to tell me there was a snake in my grandparents' outhouse.
16. I'm now no longer feeling so bad about hitting my brother in the back.
17. By the time I was in kindergarten I could read whole books but couldn't write a number 5.
18. Mow grass? Only after first receiving a death threat.
19. I have no idea where Südtirol is.
20. If I were forced to remain indoors for months at a time I doubt it would bother me much.
21. You Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie by the Bellamy Brothers makes me love being a Southerner but Song of the South by Alabama embarrasses me.
22. I used to fear getting ovarian cancer even though it doesn't run in my family. I was actually relieved to have my ovaries removed so that the fear would no longer be there.
23. I had four 2nd degree sunburns before I was 20 years old.
24. There are days when I don't think I can stand to listen to one more word in German.
25. I don't like bad-mouthing my ex-husband. And I'd prefer if he wouldn't remember that I exist on this planet.
26. I love taking communion in church.
27. I'm convinced that I didn't fired for mistakes I made at work because my bosses were scared of me. Good call on their part.
28. I can remember the names of kids I went to kindergarten with but can't remember the names of former neighbors.
29. My mother has threatened to cut off any tattoo I might get.
30. My husband has threatened to give her the knife.
31. I've had my vision corrected via one method or another since I was 10 years old.
32. I think the Dutch language sounds cute.
33. I took viola lessons for two years and flute lessons for one year and was a complete disaster at both.
34. Janice Joplin. I don't get the attraction or fascination.
35. I can't help but be fascinated by findadeath.com .
36. I don't think Stalin gets quite enough notice for being the ruthless motherfucker that he was.
37. Pop a balloon around me? Say goodbye to your ass.
38. I'd never fried an egg before three weeks ago.
39. I told my P.E. teacher to shut up when I was in the 5th grade. One of those things that was meant to stay in my head and just jumped off my tongue. Sorry 'bout that, dude. But you actually were a dickhead.
40. My father's funeral was on my 30th birthday. Save your "I'm having a shitty birthday" for someone else.
41. As far as I'm concerned the only shoes I ever need to wear for the rest of my life are Birkenstocks .
42. Titty twister. Yarg. Hate that phrase.
43. Dragostea Din Tei. Play that hokey Romanian song for me tens of thousands of times. I still won't get sick of it.
44. I'm one of those weird food non-touching people. If the water from my spinach runs into my steak you may as well throw the whole thing out.
45. I've kicked holes into walls while in the midst of fit pitching.
46. I've outgrown wall kicking. Good thing as where I live the walls are made of mason block.
47. I had a chocolate wedding cake the first time I got married. I had no wedding cake at all at my second wedding.
48. Not liking cheese, wine or coffee makes me feel like I'll never really be sophisticated.
49. I've just now realized that me loving Birkenstocks and bacon already made me ring the bell on the never-will-be-sophisticated scale.
50. I never want to attend a high school reunion.
51. Chilhowie, Virginia. The name of that town has cracked me up for a good 30 years.
52. I spent my teenage years with a big crush on Peter Frampton.
53. Yes, I am fully aware that Peter Frampton is now bald.
54. Both times I've been hospitalized was for surgery.
55. I got a D on my sewing project in home economics when I was 13.
56. I've been to Canada, England, Holland and Poland as well as the USA and Germany.
57. I once told Senator John Warner of Virginia off for calling our class "little assholes" under his breath. See? Number 13 doesn't always apply and I got practice with number 39.
58. My idea of ice cream bliss? A hot fudge sundae with peppermint stick ice cream and Spanish peanuts. Load on that whipped cream, bitte.
59. I once watched Gone with the Wind ten times in five days.
60. The inscription in my wedding ring is Ich bin Dein 31/7/99.
61. My dog is named Bonnie. I'm the one who named her.
62. When I was quite young I liked the taste of Fletcher's Castoria and would sneak swigs of it. I had no idea it was a children's laxative.
63. Evidently there was a time in my childhood when I had an extremely clean colon.
64. The only sewing I can do is attaching a button. The D in home ec left lasting scars.
65. My first job was in a dry cleaners.
66. I can't watch The Joy Luck Club without becoming nearly hysterical crying.
67. My last phone bill was 21.30 € even though I had nine trans-atlantic phone calls on it.
68. Some people I greatly admire: Jimmy Carter, Desmond Tutu, Hans and Sophie Scholl .
69. I've seen episodes of The Flintstones to the point where I can recite dialog.
70. If I'd married my first boyfriend my last name would be Barbee.
71. The scent I wear most often is Chanel Allure.
72. I have the best memories of going to high school dances.
73. My first husband has 7 siblings. My second husband has none.
74. I've never read A Wrinkle in Time, The Little Prince or Little Women.
75. I've never ridden in a limousine.
76. The guy who took me to my senior prom was named David. For the life of me right now I can't remember his last name.
77. I've been to Graceland three times. I pray in ernest that I never have to go again.
78. Many folks think I love Elvis. I don't love Elvis. I love to goof on Elvis. A clear distinction.
79. One of my earliest memories was drawing with a brown crayon that had a bit of grit on it and the grit making a scratchy noise on my paper. And it bugged me.
80. I can still tell you the phone number we had when I was between the ages of 3 and 6. It was 533-1606.
81. In fact I can name you all the phone numbers I had after that as well. 378-6349. 968-7337. 978-0305. 335-2999. 330-7476.
82. None of those phone numbers is my current phone number.
83. All the clothes I wear are made of either cotton or wool.
84. I wasn't given a middle name when I was born.
85. I like to just ride around on streetcars.
86. Alt wie ein Baum is the first song I learned to sing in German.
87. If I have to pick whether a noun in German is der, die or das I'll pick the two wrong ones first every time.
88. Three is a Magic Number is my favorite Multiplication Rock song.
89. I think Mohamed al Fayed has ruined Harrods .
90. I eat bratwurst with ketchup and it embarrasses my husband.
91. I'd like to slap the dog shit out of Joan Rivers. Damn phony.
92. I have a serious fear of falling down. I purposely avoid activities that may increase my chances of landing on my ass.
93. I can remember what I wore to my 4th birthday party. A red dress with a white yoke. Black patent leather shoes.
94. To me every song from Norah Jones sounds like the last one.
95. I'm not so sure that caning isn't such a bad punishment for the assholes who spray graffiti everywhere.
96. Should the power go out I'm set for candles to last for a week. However I'm not quite sure where the matches are located.
97. Never have cooked with gas. Not even sure how to do it.
98. I love to take photographs of large churches.
99. I'm sometimes guilty of believing my own publicity.
100. I've lost 22 pounds since December.