Aaaaand Here's Two

I purposely didn't write a blog entry yesterday.

When I made the decision to write in my blog again I realized it would coincide with NaBloPoMo and I'd been an eager participant (and smug...what?...accomplisher?) up until the time I'd went on my self imposed hiatus. The itch to try it again was felt and I found myself talking myself out of it this time around.

A big reason - maybe really the only reason - I stopped writing in my blog was because it became like work to me. All day I would consider things to write about, compose paragraphs in my head that would soon be diluted by the time I actually got around to writing actual words, weigh one topic against another or - worse - find myself with nothing to write about that interested me. Writing is like work at times but it should be work that at the end of it all gives a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction and not work that gives the same feeling a burned out customer service representative gets when she's been screamed at for the 400th time about a late payment charge and OH MY GOD CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO MY FAMILY WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THIS 42 CENT CHARGE IS RUINING US?!?!

I told myself that this time I'd do things in my own time. I'd write when I felt like I wanted to and if I really didn't give a shit about writing that would be fine. Challenging myself to write every day even when it becomes painful would only end up pissing me off and make me start hating to write and what would become of us then? I'd be deprived of an outlet for my thoughts, the ability to commune with others and you'd be deprived of reading about...well...the Christmas market or some other selling-fried-cinnamony-dough-snacks street festival.

So I took it upon myself to sabotage myself from the start. Break the streak before one gets started. No NaBloPoMo-ing. And no forced writing. I'm trying very hard to cut out things from my life that feel imposed if their imposition isn't going to improve things for me at all. I want to find the fun that goes along with the work.

And maybe this year you'll get pictures of fried-cinnamony-dough-snacks.