Dixie Peach: An open letter...

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

An open letter... all 13-15 year old boys in Germany.

Please knock off the firecrackers. Please. Just stop. New Year's Eve is over and the rest of us are thoroughly sick of hearing that constant noise. Some of us are also trying to get over the consumption of too much New Year's Eve wine and nachos and this isn't helping.

Stop roaming the streets in your little groups tossing firecrackers as you go. Stop setting them off in tiled breezeways so we can get the treat of the added echo. And especially stop tossing them at little dogs and old couples as they try to get down to the streetcar stop.

Fireworks are fun but their time is now over. It's now just annoying. You don't seem to get the fact that it's tiresome and everyone else is sick of the bits of charred paper and the haze of smoke hanging everywhere.

No one is impressed. Trust me on this. No one hears the constant bang of your firecrackers and believes you posess anything more than the bald nubbin you have in your pants.

Repeat after me: "Firecrackers will not get me laid.".

Learn it. Know it. Live it.


Blogger christina said...

'bald nubbin' - LOL! You're making me spit my tea all over the keyboard.

We have boys like that around here, but our neighbourhood was surprisingly quiet today, only a few crackers going off here and there.

12:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Change "13-15 year-old boys in Germany" to "middle-aged men in St. Louis", and I'll be sending this letter myself.

Dumbasses. How bad is it that, everytime I hear a firecracker, I pray for lost fingers?

5:43 PM  
Blogger Mikki Marshall said...

well at least it isn't gunfire like the idiots do in areas of the Bronx and Harlem! Idiots.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Divine Misty M said...

You're a hoot! "Bald Nubbin"... Bwahahahahaha... too much, I swear!
Divine Misty M

10:10 PM  

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