Big Brother Who's a Father with a Collar

If you observe the Lenten season by giving up something and you get tempted to cheat, let this be a lesson to you. Guest blogging by Darling Mollie over an incident she had last week.

So, I gave up Chai for Lent, as I have complained about over and over in the last thirty-six hours. Thirty-eight days to go. I had to run to get a prescription and had 15 minutes to kill in CVS. Wandering around, I ran into the beverage aisle and saw that International Coffees came out with a Chai mix. A little devil appeared on my shoulder and whispered “It isn’t Starbucks! Come on, get it.”. I debated for about two seconds…on the third second a priest came around the corner and was walking right toward me. I looked at him and said “I gave up Chai for lent and almost finagled a loophole, Father.”. He smiled and said “They send us out at Lent to make sure you don’t sneak”.

I guess stereotypical Catholic guilt only works so far and then God calls in the big guns.

It's an Office! It's a Disco! It's Two Treats in One!

Darling Mollie, being as she's darling (I'm serious, folks...she defines the word "darling") and being as she loves to tell stories is guest blogging for me today.

I haven't worked in an office in over ten years now but I remember when I did. I remember the goofy stuff that would go on in an office environment and sometimes I actually miss it because some of the funniest, most memorable times of my life were at work. When Darling Mollie tells me about her work life it's like being back in my work days.

Take it, Mollie!

So today I was talking to my coworker Ryan and we got on the topic of crazy things that happened at work. At my old job the darndest things happened. Some great moments: The fight that ended up in the elevator. The stripper that was sitting in the lobby waiting to perform in a bachelorette party in our main conference room the day the Postmaster General visited. The day Tausha almost killed Dan for scaring her in a Halloween outfit. And of course…

The gold lame club outfit.

As I explained to Ryan, the fight was great. The stripper was once in a lifetime. Tausha declaring “I WILL FIGHT YOU!” was a moment to be cherished. But the gold lame outfit ended up outshining them all because it had 2 key elements: It was seen by tons of people and they all had the same expression of horror and same level of helplessness.

Let me describe this outfit. This zaftig (we must all be aware of the limitations of our figures) woman wore not only a gold lame mini skirt that Britany Spears would declare too revealing (think ½ inch from nowheresville) and Grecian gold boots, but it was topped off with a top that was one big, gold lame piece of fabric - it actually draped - that only covered the ample front of her and was backless - it being attached to her by three string ties going along her back.

I was in my cube office avoiding my boss when she streaked by. I say streaked because at my angle, she appeared topless. Not only had she broken every law of fashion and decorum, but the shear abomination of her outfit was enough to send me into fits. I believe to this day that in the hysteria I went blind. I stood up in a daze and knowing she had by that time covered a good part of the office floor walked to Tausha’s desk. We were like victims of terrorism- and by god that day we were. No human of any age should have to experience that vision. I would not expose my most dire enemy to what I went through that afternoon. One by one, people stumbled from their offices speechless and in a ready state of denial - we had collectively seen and survived Hell.

Our Human Resources department was instantly set to task and I think they alone are responsible for gold lame never thereafter darkening the halls of MCI.

I have seen gold lame and I am a survivor.

Meet Darling Mollie!

After a weekend you'd think I'd have something to write but I'm afraid I don't. It's simply too freaking hot to think straight. I've wiped sweat off my upper lip so much I've chapped the skin.

So Darling Mollie, being as she loves me dearly, is going to pinch hit for me today and guest blog. Her first dabble into blogging, guest or otherwise. That's the true mark of friendship when someone will blow off work a bit to guest blog for you.

Kim is roasting in Germany right now. It is about 87 degrees at 10pm in her apartment, so I am taking over blogging today. I’m new at this and certainly no replacement for my best friend- but when in need, I’ll play Ed McMahon for her anytime.

I’ll entertain you all with my Farrell’s story. Since it is hot- a good ice cream story is pretty appropriate.

It was my 7th birthday. I dreamed about my birthday party for ages because in my family, a birthday party was no extravagant event. You had homemade cake, you had family and if you were lucky a paper hat. And that was dandy!

Well, I begged to the point that I guess I wore my parent down after about 3 years, and so I got my wish- I got a birthday party at Farrell's. All the girls in the class were invited (even Tracy Anderson who had to sit on the floor at parties because she would urinate on furniture)- and the week was spent as a minor celebrity. I was invited over to EVERYONE'S house that week to play.

The day of the event comes- and I am not feeling all that great. I swear up and down that I will be fine by 3:00pm and the party will go on. All my little friends start trickling in- Patty, Kerry, Debbie, Leah, Amy, Emily times 2- I mean, everyone showed up. My sister and brother were there too and they were finally big enough to be the party helpers- it was good all around. I open up all my gifts- I remember plainly getting 2 mini Pot Belly Bears and a Mickey Mouse Beach ball. Definitely hit the jack pot. I was known for my Pot Belly collection.

It was time to leave and I was beyond excited. The elusive Zoo sundae was finally to be mine. 42 scoops of bliss that I was to pick out! To this day, I do not think anyone knows that it was going to be 20 scoops chocolate, 20 scoops chocolate chip and 2 scoops vanilla with hot fudge and chocolate jimmys. My parents had purchased the extremely attractive 1978 Buick Regal coupe- niiiiiice. Amy Evans and Leah had begged to sit next to me on the ride over- other parents had shown up and all the kids were spread out in different cars.

Off we went! Until I barfed in the back seat. All over my parents new car. Never got my Zoo sundae- the group all piled into Kerry’s mom’s car and they sang Happy Birthday to my sister.

I spent the day with my dad. He told me how great it was that we got to play with all the stuff and were not stuck in Farrell's. I think I knew he was trying to be nice- but who are we kidding?! 27 years later I am owed that Zoo sundae! I think of it whenever it gets hot out.

God love her - she's been pining for 42 scoops of ice cream for the past 27 years and what do I send her? Socks! Times change though. No longer is Darling Mollie known for her Pot Belly Bear collection. It's her Chanel and Louis Vuitton collection she's known for now.

Danke for guest blogging, Darling Mollie! And when I see you next, the ice cream is on me.