It's an Office! It's a Disco! It's Two Treats in One!

Darling Mollie, being as she's darling (I'm serious, folks...she defines the word "darling") and being as she loves to tell stories is guest blogging for me today.

I haven't worked in an office in over ten years now but I remember when I did. I remember the goofy stuff that would go on in an office environment and sometimes I actually miss it because some of the funniest, most memorable times of my life were at work. When Darling Mollie tells me about her work life it's like being back in my work days.

Take it, Mollie!

So today I was talking to my coworker Ryan and we got on the topic of crazy things that happened at work. At my old job the darndest things happened. Some great moments: The fight that ended up in the elevator. The stripper that was sitting in the lobby waiting to perform in a bachelorette party in our main conference room the day the Postmaster General visited. The day Tausha almost killed Dan for scaring her in a Halloween outfit. And of course…

The gold lame club outfit.

As I explained to Ryan, the fight was great. The stripper was once in a lifetime. Tausha declaring “I WILL FIGHT YOU!” was a moment to be cherished. But the gold lame outfit ended up outshining them all because it had 2 key elements: It was seen by tons of people and they all had the same expression of horror and same level of helplessness.

Let me describe this outfit. This zaftig (we must all be aware of the limitations of our figures) woman wore not only a gold lame mini skirt that Britany Spears would declare too revealing (think ½ inch from nowheresville) and Grecian gold boots, but it was topped off with a top that was one big, gold lame piece of fabric - it actually draped - that only covered the ample front of her and was backless - it being attached to her by three string ties going along her back.

I was in my cube office avoiding my boss when she streaked by. I say streaked because at my angle, she appeared topless. Not only had she broken every law of fashion and decorum, but the shear abomination of her outfit was enough to send me into fits. I believe to this day that in the hysteria I went blind. I stood up in a daze and knowing she had by that time covered a good part of the office floor walked to Tausha’s desk. We were like victims of terrorism- and by god that day we were. No human of any age should have to experience that vision. I would not expose my most dire enemy to what I went through that afternoon. One by one, people stumbled from their offices speechless and in a ready state of denial - we had collectively seen and survived Hell.

Our Human Resources department was instantly set to task and I think they alone are responsible for gold lame never thereafter darkening the halls of MCI.

I have seen gold lame and I am a survivor.