Dixie Peach: "It's the end of the world!"

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

"It's the end of the world!"

Perhaps it's because the river has become frozen or because it's stormy up north along the coast or because they figure Magdeburg's a great little vacation spot but for some reason my neighborhood has become overrun by seagulls. Big, flappy, nasty, poop filled seagulls. I expect them around the river. They piss me off for stealing the food I'm trying to give to the ducks but I expect it. I don't, however, expect them five blocks up from the river in the center of the city hanging around my apartment building like a pack of drunks that won't leave a party.

I live four floors up from the street and as I stand at the stove (it's right next to the window) I become startled over and over by big ass seagulls swooping quite close to the window as though they're looking for a handout. I'm trying to boil some pasta and suddenly I'm turned into Tippi Hedren in a phone booth and I have the urge to search below for a very fat English man.

And in keeping with that fat English man, if gulls are around can big ass crows be far behind? Not around here, my friends. The seagulls and the crows don't seem to be fond of one another so I'm treated to seeing them sail around each other, a la Jets vs. Sharks, each bird gang trying to take control of the scrap of Brötchen that didn't seem to make it into a trashcan and all I want to do is go to the bakery without one or the other crapping on my shoulders or lunging for my scalp.

It's probably a good idea if I don't attend any children's birthday parties or pick up any kids from school for a few days...


Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Ooh, West Side Story in the air. Way more dramatic than anything nature has to offer me when I look outside MY window...

3:50 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I never did get what was up with that either. What are seagulls doing this far inland??? I live a good five hour drive from the ocean and I see them all the time here. Standing in fields. With cows. Looking guilty.

11:19 AM  
Blogger christina said...

Scary! Come to think of it we also saw an awful lot of seagulls down by the river when we were coming home on the bus the other day. No cows though. We used to have sheep just around the corner from us but now they're GONE. Hmmm...maybe I should stay inside for the rest of the day too. :-)

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Mollie said...

Im a Crow fan- so you know who I am rooting for!



11:37 PM  
Anonymous Robin said...

Sweet Jesus, I hate birds.

For Christmas a few years ago, my MIL gave me a set of decorative seagull wallhangings - ceramic gulls with 3-D heads that jut out. Beadiest fucking eyes you've ever seen.

My only regret is that I threw them out instead of keeping them in the name of comedy gold that they are. Or, you know, so you can replicate your gull encounters if you're every find yourself gulless.

6:55 PM  

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