In My Absence

I was catching up on my blog reading - been pitifully lazy with it lately - and began to read the latest from darling Belinda. This darling Belinda, not this darling Belinda.

I just like doing that. I'm just one step away from "Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah.".

Anyway, Belinda was telling the tale of what happens when you take a husband who has mixed Klonopin and Ambien and stir in an oven, waffles and forty chicken nuggets. Scary stuff told in a most amusing manner. Really, you should go read the story yourself.

As I read this scary yet funny tale Belinda took the opportunity to show a photo of something that scared me more than anything in the story. I mean I literally let out a shriek when I saw it.

I know I haven't lived in the US in over nine years and haven't been back for a visit in over two years but at what point did Dwight Yoakam start selling frozen foods? And not just any old frozen foods but things with names such as "Chicken Rings Afire". Did we enter another dimension and someone failed to tell me?

I thought it might be a joke but a quick search on Google proved me wrong. Oh yeah. Dwight's not just selling frozen foods, it's tacky frozen foods. And honest to goodness, it's not even inventive tacky frozen foods. Do we really need more chicken meat compressed into shapes nature never intended chicken to be in, dipped in breading and frozen so that we are able to enjoy unnaturally shaped chicken anytime? And don't forget that side of refried bean dip!

Look, I know Dwight's not the first singer to sell food or to hawk products. Hell, Jimmy Dean made way more off of selling sausage than he ever dreamed making from singing. I figure most folks don't even know Jimmy Dean was originally a singer. It's just that I never figured that Dwight Yoakam would be doing it. I love Dwight Yoakam. I've always loved him. I've seen him in concert a few times. Streets of Bakersfield, his duet with Buck Owens, is one of my favorite songs. I love it when he's in movies. I even loved him after his hair fell out.

I blame myself. You know this sort of thing never would have happened if hadn't left the country. I guess I'm just going to have to go back and have a little talk with him. Ask what drove him to a life of Chicken Fries and Lanky Links. And some free samples may get me to change my mind over the coolness of it all.