Darling Mollie wanted me to knit some baby socks to give as a gift to a family member who's expecting a baby. She asked me about it last night when she called me.
"Do you know how to knit baby socks?"
"Sure. It's like knitting big people socks but you don't knit them as big. Basically the same structure though."
"Can you make green and yellow ones?"
"If I can get some yellow and green yarn."
"Can I get you the yarn?"
"Just go to the yarn shop and tell the sales lady what you want - sock yarn for baby socks. She'll get you the right stuff."
"Okay. So do you need me to send you anything else? Are you out of Hellmann's? Do you need me to send you Hellmanns?"
"Oh boy, I've been out of Hellmann's since February!"
"Okay. Do you want to try that new olive oil Hellmann's?"
Time to make a snap decision. I know I probably should be eating the olive oil stuff because it would be healthier for me to eat - if the word "healthy" could be attached to whipped oil and eggs anyway - but I've never before eaten it.
This is how it sounded in my head:
"Hmmm....ewww...olive oil. Maybe it's good though. Maybe it tastes the same. Maybe it's a little different. Olive oil tastes different. Remember the time you accidentally got too much olive oil in the Spanish rice? It was gross. Maybe it's gross. What if it's gross? I can't have Mollie send me Hellmann's and then me not eat it because it's gross! Maybe it would only be gross if I had it on a sandwich but not so gross if it's in potato salad. Is it worth it to try it? It could be very good. I thought I read someone say it was good. Mollie wouldn't know because she hates mayonnaise so I can't ask her. Perhaps I should have her send just a tiny jar of it but that's stupid because if I hate it, any of it is a waste. If I say I don't want it am I going to look like a pig? Maybe I should get it and learn to like it. Maybe all I need to do is try it. It would be better for me than regular mayonnaise. But that light mayonnaise would be better for me too and that stuff is vile. This stuff could be vile. Should I try it? Maybe I'll try it."
What Darling Mollie heard:
Mollie howled laughing and she said "I knew you'd give me an honest answer! Someone at work was asking me if I had someone in my life that I could be absolutely up-front with and who would always give me the absolute truth back and I told her it was you. You won't even mislead me about mayonnaise!".
And that's true. If you've got a friend who won't even bullshit you about something relatively unimportant (I say "relatively" because while mayonnaise is important to me it's not quite in the same catagory as "Should I marry this guy?"), you can trust them to tell you the truth when it comes to something crucial. Things like "Should I get the Chanel bag or the Louis Vuitton?".