Time's A-Wastin'

That's what my mother would always say to us kids when we were dragging around and not doing what she wanted done that red hot second. Of course she's the one who usually has to be prodded into getting herself into gear and getting done what needs to be done but that is neither here nor there. In Miss Virginia's world we do as she says, not as she does.

But time is a-wastin' and if you're a citizen of the USA living overseas, whether it's permanently or temporarily, and you haven't arranged to register to vote and get an absentee ballot sent to you, you really do need to get yourself in gear and get it done. Now. I mean get it done now and get your hips on down to the post office to get things mailed immediately.

"But Dixie!", you cry. "We have no idea how to do vote from overseas!" Don't fret - it's quite simple.

First go to VoteFromAbroad.org and fill out the handy-dandy application. Just answer all the questions it asks and after you check it for any errors, print the form (you do have to have Adobe Acrobat Reader but if you don't already have it, there's a link for downloading it). Second, get to the post office right away and send it - airmail if you're cutting it close to your home state's deadline.

Have questions about what form is for what and so on? Check the FAQ section.

Even though we live overseas, we should still care about our homeland and we still have a vested interest in what happens there. Our families and friends live there. We may be living there again. It's important that we make our voices heard in this election, even if our voices are overseas. Register to vote, apply for your absentee ballot and do it today.

Don't make me get Miss Virginia out to fuss at you.

Friday Shuffle - Celebrating an End and a Beginning Edition

November comes to a close and with it NaBloPoMo. It's my second year of participating and my second year of completing the task. Maybe I'll be picked for a prize and maybe I won't but the important thing is that I crossed the finish line. I can sometimes have trouble seeing a long term task to completion - hence my collection of single hand knitted socks. The biggest reason I could never become a marathon runner, besides the fact that I wouldn't run if I were being chased by a pack of knife wielding demons, is that about 2/3 through I'd become disinterested and stop somewhere for a cup of tea and book browsing.

And the 30th of November commemorates an important date in my life - it's the anniversary of the day I arrived in Germany. Ten years ago today I landed in Germany and began my life with B. It sounds corny to say but I can hardly remember what life was like before I moved to Germany. Of course that's not completely true but the bad parts seem less bad and over the years I remember them less clearly.

I've heard from a lot of people that B and I are a wonderful love story and I won't disagree with that. I've also heard from a lot of people that it must have been fate that B and I found one another. How else could one account for us to meet each other while we were still 5000 miles apart? But I'm not completely convinced it was fate or destiny or whatever you call it. I'm not sure to what I'd attribute our finding one another.

Years ago a friend and I had a discussion about destiny and if the grand, important events of our lives are us fulfilling our destiny. The conversation was spurred on by my having just read A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving which became one of my all-time favorite books. Without giving away the plot for those of you who haven't read this book, the main character, Owen Meany, learns early in life that he will have to perform a certain important duty at some time in his future and he directs events in his life, and in some instances the lives of others, so he will be able to perform this duty. Is what Owen does his fate that he can't change or is he making it his fate?

My friend said "Consider this: Let's say you're in deep, tall grass and you have to find your way to a clearing. You know it's ahead but you can't see where the clearing is located and it's up to you to find the right way to get there. So you walk along, not seeing what's ahead because the grass is too tall, and eventually you find the clearing. Then you turn around and you see the path you cut through the tall grass when you walked. Does it seem that you found the clearing because you took the right path - you were fated to follow that path - or does it only seem like the right path because you can't see any others...only the one you made yourself? And how do you know you found the clearing? Maybe there was more than one and this clearing happens to be the one you found first.". I didn't have an answer for her questions. I still don't have an answer. Maybe there doesn't need to be a definitive answer.

All those years ago when I was unhappy in my life I wanted happiness. That was my goal. It was my clearing. I wasn't exactly sure what was going to make me happy but I would know it when I was. I met B. We fell in love and ten years ago I moved to Germany. We got married and I live a happy, contented life. I reached my goal. I found the clearing. Now when I look backwards do I say that it was meeting and marrying B that made me reach my goal of happiness or was that the path I happened to take? The romantic in me makes me think that B and I were destined to find each other and build a life together. That we're each other's reason for being in the world. And then I think that other paths could have led me to the feeling of contentment that I now have. Maybe I could have been just as happy in life if I were living a completely different life. I don't have a good answer but I do know one thing. I am where I am now. I found my clearing and regardless of how I got here, I'm happy that I arrived.

What I do know is that it's Friday and on Fridays it's Bixente the iPod's fate to shuffle. Fulfill your destiny, Bixente!

1. Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
2. Toys In The Attic - Aerosmith
3. Whip In My Valise - Adam Ant
4. All Because of You - Blackmore's Night
5. Help Yourself - Tom Jones
6. You Win Again - The Bee Gees
7. Ordinary Day - Great Big Sea
8. The Holiday Song - Pixies
9. All Over You - Live
10. Alt Wie Ein Baum - The Puhdys

Have a great weekend, y'all. After 30+ days of continuous posting I will take the weekend off. Time for me to start on my Christmas decorating and do a little cookie baking.

They Just Waited for Me to Leave Town

I believe that not long before I left Germany for my vacation in America I reported to y'all that the small verging on tiny American foods section in my neighborhood Karstadt (that's a department store for you not-living-in-Germany types) had begun to once again sell Hellmann's mayonnaise. Tiny, overpriced bottles but my love of Hellmann's knows no limit. They'd also about a year or so ago began to sell pickle relish, another thing I must have that I have found no acceptable substitute for in Germany. This had thrilled me no end (I'd been relying on family and friends to send me my fix) and when I was in Mississippi last month I didn't bother to buy any Hellmann's or pickle relish because I was freaking out about my luggage being overweight and I figured that if I submit to their coercion buy my stuff at Karstadt then they'd continue to stock it. "Order more Hellmann's and pickle relish, Hans-Dieter! Some sucker is buying it like crazy!"

Last week I found myself down in the small grocery store that takes up half of the basement floor of Karstadt - the first time I'd been there since I returned to Germany - and found it completely changed. It was always overpriced and I only went there if I needed one thing and it wasn't convenient to get to a normal grocery store. Now it's been turned into some sort of upscale grocery store - mostly the same stuff and the same prices but if you give it a gourmet sounding name I suppose you can justify what you charge for a carton of yogurt. I wandered around trying to find the one thing I went there for - the arrangement of the store having been completely changed - and I realized the American food section is gone. Gone! No trace of it remains. You know I didn't ever buy them but I like having the option of going there to buy s'mores flavored PopTarts or tiny packs of Oreos if I wanted them. And once in a great while I'd lose my mind and buy a box of blueberry muffin mix to the tune of 5€ a box. And! And! It was my one source of microwave popcorn in the kettle corn flavor! But I can get over all this. I don't need the popcorn and I can make blueberry muffins without the aid of a mix but taking away my beloved American foods section ends my ability to buy Hellmann's and pickle relish with no more effort than it takes for me to walk the 200 meters to Karstadt. Now that's just cruel.

Luckily the internet and the ability of people to envision that suckers expatriates like me will go to great lengths to obtain the foods they crave has made it possible for me to order these products and have them delivered to my home. Expensive and not always convenient if they're out of something you're desperately needing but it fills a need. I began to make a shopping list this afternoon - I have one big jar of Hellmann's (thanks Kara!) and one jar of pickle relish I'd bought before I left town but B's wanting me to make potato salad and that means the end of those jars in short order - and I had a near stroke when I couldn't find pickle relish on the website I'd used most recently. I looked all over and they didn't have it - I suppose because they sell mostly British food and I guess pickle relish is more American. They do, however, have a grand selection of barbecue sauce and apple sauce - and so does every freaking grocery store in Germany because those are common items here. Way to fill a need there, guys!

But I remembered another American foods website and there it all was. PopTarts. Muffin mix. Microwave kettle corn. Glorious Hellmann's. And pickle relish. Sweet, sweet pickle relish.

I think I need to set up a Hellmann's and relish subscription with these folks.

Because 200 Isn't Enough, Here's 7 More

Those of us living the expatriate life have to stick together. We all make an effort to integrate in our adopted countries but when things get frustrating, connecting with those who have and still do stand in your shoes can be an enormous help. One of the best benefits of this blog is that it's connected me to some really great people living as expatriates all over the world and I appreciate the friendship and support they've given me over the years. There's a group of expats living in Germany who are getting together this weekend in Dresden and I know right at this moment they're having a fabulous time together. I wish I could have been there as well but I just got back from leaving B at home for 2 1/2 weeks, plus Gerd is sick and that means my MIL is occupied taking care of him. And I didn't have the guts to take a train during a rail strike, even if they aren't striking today.

Another expat, Ann ona Moose, has tagged me for a meme and of course I am delighted to comply because us expats stick together. It's the seven random things meme and here are the rules. I'd normally say they're "guidelines" but this is Germany and that means they're rules. Nothing like a little stereotype on a Saturday evening, is there?

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself: some random, some weird.
3. Tag 3 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

Okay....let's hit it!

1. I love to knit socks but I hate wearing them. I hate wearing all socks. Just putting them on annoys me. I wear them when I absolutely must but if I can get away with skipping sock wearing, I do. And when I do wear socks they need to be as thin as possible and preferably all cotton.

2. The entire time I was married to my first husband, I never called my then MIL anything. She lived in Texas and I seldom ever saw her or had much contact with her and I never asked her what she wanted me to call her and she never told me. I couldn't figure out whether to call her "Mom" or "Anita" or "Mrs. [fill in my former married last name here]" so I called her nothing. I would go to great lengths to avoid having to call her by name.

3. And strangely enough I've never asked my current (and final) MIL what to call her. I think. Actually I can't remember - maybe I did and I forgot. Anyway, I call her either Mutti (mom) or by her first name - I flip back and forth. Generally by her first name if we're in public and I'm trying to get her attention, and Mutti if we're at home. And it works in reverse about the same - she calls me Kimberley if she's trying to get my attention in public and Mein Kind (my child) if we're at home.

4. I would rather have a foot and hand massage than a regular body massage. I'm a little hyper-sensitive about anyone touching my back - if the doctor tries to put her stethoscope on my back I have to actually force myself not to pull away - but if you massage my hands and feet, I'll be yours for life.

5. I hate to clean house when it's very overcast, rainy or snowy outside and I also can't do any housework once the sun has gone down with the exception of cleaning the kitchen after dinner. I really need to have at least partial sunlight to do any housework more complex than picking things up and putting them away or doing laundry. Needless to say, in the winter when Germany can have weeks and weeks of dreary weather I have to force myself to do housework.

6. I have two book related Christmas traditions. The first (and one that Hilda mentally shakes her head at...heh!) is that I have to read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger sometime between Thanksgiving and the end of the first week in December. I've been doing it
since 1978. The second, and one that I sometimes have to rely on a re-read to accomplish, is that I find within a book series, preferably a mystery series, a Christmas themed book and read it. This year's Christmas themed book will be Wreck the Halls by Sarah Graves.

7. I love cupcakes. I hope Heaven is filled with dark chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting and red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

I'm going to break bad by disregarding the rules and not tagging anyone since I can't keep track of who's done this meme and who hasn't. Feel free to swipe it if you wish - give me some linky love back here if you do.

Contented

A sweet friend of mine in New York - the Bronx to be exact, or as she calls it, the "Boogie Down" - reminded me today of a discussion she and I and some other friends had years ago. We were talking about our lives and how they were going and I talked about how I'm content with my life. And I am. I'm happy with how my life is and the way I live and I'll tell anyone who asks that I'm content. That conversation stuck with my friend and today she commented to me that my talking about my contentment helped her see that it's possible to be happy with what you have. It doesn't have to mean that you shouldn't try to improve things in your life if you're dissatisfied - my friend has changed careers and has, after a few crummy jobs, found a job that suits her to a T - but there's something to be said for being content with the good things you have.

Our conversation about contentment reminded me of my life when I first moved to Germany. I really wasn't content. I felt like a fish out of water, I was lonesome and felt out of place and I couldn't appreciate even the smallest thing that was good.

It took me living with B for a couple years - being around him and really learning who he is - for me to learn contentment. It was his example that taught me. B's been a quadriplegic for 24 years now. It's obviously not something he likes or asked for but it's what he's got. And while it took him a few years to get his own self adjusted to his changed life, he did it. He could have been spending all these years being bitter and wishing he could have his old life back but what good would it do? Instead he spent his time learning to do things in a different way and not dwelling on the things he has no ability to do. He began to like his life again.

I'd been spending my time in Germany during those first two or three years wishing I could be somewhere else. I didn't want to change what I knew and what felt comfortable and familiar to me. I didn't want to learn another language and get used to different food and become accustomed to different sense of humor and different customs. I spent so much time wishing I was somewhere else - back home where everything was familiar and felt so natural to me - that I couldn't appreciate anything about where I was. I was so critical of everything around me and I felt miserable. I couldn't even watch TV because I was so busy complaining that I didn't like the voices in the German dubbing.

And during all that time, B let me run. He didn't bother to come down on me or complain that I was complaining too much. He gave me the time I needed to adjust. What I needed was to do just that - make the adjustment. And by watching B live his life with patience and without self pity I learned that I could do it as well. That I could learn contentment.

I stopped thinking my MIL was interfering and began to appreciate that she was there to help me whenever I needed her. I made myself learn German so I could communicate with everyone and I didn't need to isolate myself. I learned to like the city where I live and to fall in love with certain parts of it. I learned to face up to my reality. Much like B had to learn that he wasn't going to have his life as a walking man back, I had to learn that I wasn't going to live in the US again. I learned to stop seeing my home in the US through rose-colored glasses and to see that not everything there is great and as it should be and not everything in Germany sucks and is inferior. Both places have their strong points and both places have their problems. It just didn't make sense for me to see the place where I live now as always being the inferior or second rate one. It doesn't mean that I can't love and appreciate my homeland but it does mean that I can see the good things in Germany and be happy with them.

It's not likely that I will ever leave Germany for good so I may as well learn to be content with where I am. This is my home too. It's okay that I have two homes. Loving my life here doesn't betray my homeland. And I simply don't want to spend the second half of my life being miserable that I'm not living in the US. I don't want to face each day being unable to feel good about my life. I like feeling content with my life and what I have. Why should I battle what I know won't change? I'd rather fill my life with the good things and work around the things that aren't very good.

There are two saying I like. The first is "Enough is as good as a feast.". That idea is what allows me to be content with the things I have. My apartment isn't the fanciest but it's in a nice neighborhood and it's comfortable and I can afford it without going broke. I don't have the most stylish clothes but I stay at home most of the time so why buy fancier stuff no one's going to see? I drive an 11-year-old car but it's paid for and it's not all dinged up or rusted out and it starts every time I turn the key. It's enough. Having bigger or better or newer wouldn't make me happier. The other saying I like is "Bloom where you're planted." and it's the saying that really guides my life. I have a choice - shrivel or bloom. I'd rather bloom.

Being Bilingual Is Also Sexy

I don't know if that's true but at least it's an incentive.

Last week there was an interesting conversation going on Lisa's blog in which we discussed learning German after having moved to Germany. It reminded me of my own experiences with learning German.

When I decided to move to Germany I knew about a dozen words in German. I fully expected that after having lived there a year there I would know German and be able to talk to anyone. Remember the scene in Splash where Daryl Hannah learns to speak English after spending a few hours watching TV in Bloomingdales? I thought it would work like that. I knew it would take more than a few hours but I thought that a year or so of living with Germans and watching a lot of German TV would teach me German.

It doesn't work like that.

Now watching a lot of German TV and listening to a lot of German conversation does help you learn to understand German and it helps you recognize sentence structure but that's about it. If you want to speak German, you have to do more.

After living here for about four months I went to the local Volkshochschule - sort of like an adult education program - for German lessons. I bought my little text book and my little work book and went there with high hopes that I'd be speaking German in fourteen weeks. I mean I'd taken five years of Spanish lessons and afterwards spoke Spanish pretty well. This should be about the same, right? There weren't enough people signed up for the Don't-know-a-word-of-German class (the one I wanted) or for the I-know-some-German class so they were combined and I spent most of my time thoroughly confused. After six weeks I hated going to class so much that I begged B to let me stop going.

I limped along learning a bit more and a bit more and after a while I hired a private tutor. She taught me a good deal - my vocabulary increased dramatically - but our lessons were short lived because she had to return to the US to finish her degree program. I hired another tutor that she recommended to me and I learned even more. Past tense! Future tense! Separable verbs! Reflexive verbs! I probably would have learned even more but he and I also blew a lot of my lesson time talking about soccer.

By this time I'd been in Germany for about 2 1/2 years and I wasn't any great shakes with speaking German. I could go shopping by myself as long as I didn't need to enlist the help of a sales person but I was afraid to go most places without having my husband or my MIL tagging along. It wasn't lack of desire that was holding me back. I really, really wanted to learn German. What was lacking was me actually speaking German.

Speaking German terrified me. The grammar is different and while I didn't have too much trouble actually pronouncing most words, when it came to constructing a sentence, I'd freeze up. It was so frustrating to be left out of conversations and when I'd try to talk I'd be met with more annoyance. I imagine they meant well but when visiting friends would say something to me and I wouldn't understand, instead of saying it again more slowly or with simpler words they'd only say it louder as if my ability to understand would increase with the volume of their voice. Or there were the times when I'd want to say something and I'd murmur to B asking how to say it in German or I'd ask him to clarify something someone else had said and I'd be commanded by others to Sprich Deutsch! (Speak German!). This particularly annoyed me and it got to the point where I wanted do say "Look shitwit - when you start paying the rent around this joint you can tell me what language to speak!", but this would be rather ineffectual having to actually say it in English.

I knew I had to make myself speak German more often. I knew the reason my Spanish had become so rusty over the years was because I'd stopped speaking regularly. One trick used to boost my confidence in constructing a sentence in German was to think of a random sentence in English - the more complex the better. I'd then think of how I'd convey the same meaning in German. Sometimes I'd figure it out quickly, sometimes I'd have to think on it a bit longer but when I thought I had the solution I'd pop in on B and say the sentence. Once he got over laughing at my non sequitur he'd either praise me for getting it right or gently correct my bad modifiers or word order. Another trick I'd employ was to set aside a certain amount of time where B and I would only speak German with one another. It started out to be just ten minutes or so but we steadily added more time until I could go an hour or more in German only. Sometimes we didn't get much said because I'd spend so long trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say but it got me to just start talking.

While I was doing better, it wasn't enough. I was still so uptight with speaking German that I'd actively avoid it if possible. I'd become frustrated when trying to talk with my MIL because I'd speak so softly due to my hesitance to speak German and she couldn't hear me properly. I'd say something and have it greeted by her saying "Huh?" and I'd assume I'd said something wrong instead of just not loud enough. Still my MIL was very patient and gentle with me and she'd praise my efforts. And when I'd be out in public and would have to speak German I either was exceptionally good or the people I was speaking to were exceptionally kind because no one ever ridiculed my efforts.

Finally in 2003 I got to the point where it was sink or swim. I was hospitalized for two weeks and no one there spoke English. Well, some of the doctors did but they would rarely do so and I suspect the reason was that their knowledge of English was limited to what they'd use while on vacation. Ordering a beer in Florida and talking to someone about removing internal organs are two pretty different things and the accuracy of one is a bit more important than the other. I had no other choice but to make myself talk and make myself understand German and I surprised myself at how much I actually knew. By the time I left the hospital, my fear, while not gone completely, was manageable.

Those two weeks made such a difference. I began to go out on my own more often and gaining that freedom went far in helping me feel less isolated. There was a time when I hated to be alone with my MIL for more than fifteen minutes because I had trouble talking with her and now I could be alone with her for hours and not get flustered. Being able to talk enabled me to do things like have non-German speakers visit and go out with them without having to drag a German speaker along. I enjoyed having visitors more because I could talk with them without it becoming an exercise in frustration. Friends and relatives that I didn't see very often would remark on how much my German had improved and I knew I'd done something big when our family doctor - a woman that doesn't given compliments lightly - commented on how much better my German was and how she was proud of me.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not fluent in German. I'm conversational in German but I have a ways to go yet before being fluent. I can read in German but it's a tedious process and I'm rather poor at writing in German. And I absolutely won't speak German on the phone unless I have no other choice. Yes, I make my husband call my hairdresser if I need to change my appointment but that's okay. She thinks he has a sexy voice and she adores him. Still I realized I'm on the right track when I found that on rare occasion I dream in German and more and more often I find myself thinking in German.

All the lessons and text books and TV watching in the world isn't what helped me most. They had their place but the thing that made the real difference was speaking German every single day. It's hard. It's scary. It's intimidating. And nothing will replace it. You simply can't learn a foreign language if you don't speak it regularly.

When I lived in the US I worked for many years in the customer service departments of various firms. It used to annoy me no end to have a customer on the phone who barely spoke a word of English or who would put their child on the phone because their school aged child was the only one in the family who knew enough English to talk to me - an especially frustrating experience when I worked for an electric utility where the giving and receiving of accurate information is critical. I wish I had a dollar for every time I hung up from one of those calls and said "Why don't these people learn to speak English?!"

And then the shoe was put on the other foot.

There was one time when I was ridiculed for my lacking ability to speak German but it wasn't in public. It was in my own home. A workman hired by my rental company came to my apartment to do something to the water meters. He said something to me and I couldn't understand him. I tried to ask him to please step into the living room and speak to my husband but he'd interrupt me and make his demand even louder. Finally he said "Why don't you learn German?". That I understood it cut me to the quick. I kept my composure though and managed to ask the workman yet again to come into the living room and speak to my husband, who had been listening to the conversation. The workman complied, he told my husband what needed to be done and my husband said we would do it but to also know this: the workman had better never come in his home and speak to his wife in that manner ever again and if he couldn't agree to that, the workman could get the hell out of our apartment. It was then that I vowed to never again say "Why don't you learn to speak [insert your language of choice here]?"

If you're new (or even old) to a foreign country and you don't know the dominant language of where you live, you've got to learn it. There is no way you are ever going to fit in or feel a part of where you live if you can't communicate with the people around you. You will always feel isolated and lonesome and left out. It's hard to learn a new language, especially if you're a little older, but it can be done - but only if you practice. You've got to speak the language you're trying to learn and you've got to do it every day. It's scary and you'll get things wrong sometimes but you can do it. People will be more encouraging than you imagine and you'll find so much more freedom when you can communicate with everyone.

And if you're someone who's ever said "Why can't they learn our language?", think of this. Maybe they are learning. Maybe they're trying as hard as they can. It's a long process and it's easy to get discouraged and these people need less attitude from you and more encouragement. Your patience with an immigrant who's trying to learn to speak the language can make a great deal of difference to them and can keep them trying instead of taking the easy way out and giving up.

Now I don't want to end this by discouraging anyone trying to learn a foreign language but here's proof that learning a new language can sometimes put you in an embarrassing situation - and proof that part of learning a language is learning how things are said in that language...that's it's not just a matter of saying an English sentence with German words. Doing that can get you into trouble. Example: On a hot day or when the heat would be up too high I would say "I'm hot." in German by saying "Ich bin heiss.". The proper way to convey that it's too warm is to say "Mir ist heiss." which translates more to "It's hot to me.". I'd been saying it wrong for...I dunno... a couple of years until one of my tutors taught me how to say it properly. What I'd been saying all along wasn't that it was too warm for me - I'd been saying that I was horny. Nice! I couldn't even count how many times I'd said "Ich bin heiss.". Just to my MIL alone I must have said it a hundred times.

I turned to B and said "Why didn't you tell me I'd been saying it wrong all along! Instead of me saying it was hot, you let me walk around saying to everyone that I'm horny! What's gotten into you! Why did you let me do that?".

He replied, "I thought it was cute.".

The Five I'm Missing

Shelley, an American expatriate living in Rome, has suggested this meme for us other expats - five things you really miss about living in the United States (or whatever your home country is). I had to think about it for a bit because after having lived here for over nine years I've learned to stop missing things and go about finding an alternative to them. Still I was able to come up with five.

1. Food

The food one can find in the Southland of the United States and the food I find in Germany can really differ and sometimes there are just no suitable substitutes or finding the substitute is too much of a bother. I miss grits. I miss getting real brewed iced tea in just about every restaurant. I miss soft, fluffy buttermilk biscuits as big as a cat's head. I miss okra. I miss pie. What gives? Why can't one find pie in Germany? They don't even have a word for it - they call it Kuchen which really makes cake.

And I really miss barbecue. In the part of the world I'm from barbecue means pig and my favorite place to get me some pig is Corky's in Memphis.



I'm thinking about a pulled pork sandwich doused with sauce and topped with cole slaw and I could cry tiny, bitter tears that I haven't had one in over two years.

I miss Sonic too.



I'm not a huge fan of fast food but Sonic is different. When I go home for a visit, the first thing I do when I pull into my hometown is hit Sonic. I can't go home until I've had a bacon cheeseburger and onion rings or a Tater Tots with cheese. And a cherry limeade. All served to me by a nice little carhop.

2. Mayonnaise

Perhaps this should go under food as well but I'm so obsessed with this one thing that it gets its own listing. Yes, they have mayonnaise in Germany but it's not the same as what we're used to in America. The mayonnaise here is for putting in salads or for glopping on your fries. Germans just don't put mayo on sandwiches. I will use German mayo for potato salad (but it must be Knorr) but for sandwiches it can only be one thing:



I am crazy for Hellmann's. It's the only mayo I can bear to even think about eating on a sandwich. And unfortunately it's not usually sold in stores here unless you've got a store with an American food section and they happen to have it. I don't so I have to either beg my friends and family in the US to send it to me or I order it from online American food shops. From them it comes in tiny jars for a big, big price but I don't care. Mayonnaise is the only thing I can eat on a sandwich and Hellmann's the the only mayo I'll eat on a sandwich.

3. Bookstores

I don't care if I do live in Germany. I don't care if I've lived here for many, many years. I could live here for a million years and one thing will never change - I like to read in English only. I just do. I simply can't get into a book if I read it in German.



One of my favorite pastimes was to browse in bookstores for hours. Cramped and dusty ones, big and shiny ones - doesn't matter. Bookstores can be as soothing and peaceful and soulful feeling to me as a church. And of course they have bookstores here - I live across the street from one - but since I have no intention of ever reading a book in German, I am not drawn to be in them. Fortunately Amazon.de easily sells books in English so I can get my fix - but I really miss the browsing.

4. Magnolias



Northeast Mississippi is home and where my family is and one can't think of Mississippi without thinking of magnolias. Their glossy leaves. Their creamy white blossoms. Their distinctive fragrance. I miss gigantic magnolia trees and Christmas wreaths made from magnolia leaves. I miss dogwoods too. And cardinals. And robins. And mockingbirds. Just all those things that I'd see that would let me know that I was home.

5. Ice cubes



Now obviously Germany has ice. They have water and they have freezers and so it stands to reason that ice exists here. Or does it?

Freezers with ice makers are rare. I know of one person who has one and that's Christina - and she's Canadian! Ice trays exist but they usually make tiny cubes and aren't usually practical to use since most freezers in Germany are the drawer type. If you want ice in Germany you usually buy ice cube bags - freezer bags that you fill with water and the little openings in the bags make the cubes. I did that for a while and finally quit out of laziness. I simply learned to put my personal drinks in the refrigerator and for the Germans, they don't want ice and often don't even want their drinks too cold. Wimps.

The list I made here is of things that in reality I could live without and do live without and don't miss all that much. Except for the Hellmann's. I'm still obsessed with that and won't get over trying to get it at ever opportunity. But there are things in the United States that I miss horribly and there is no substitute. My family. Hugs from my nephews and nieces. Playing cards in my sister's kitchen. Sitting close with my mama in church. My darling friends. Going out to lunch with them or sitting with them and talking for hours. Southern accents. The old men that play checkers in front of the courthouse. A high school football game on a crisp Friday night. Being around things and people that are completely familiar to me and knowing I fit right in.

But Germany is home to me as well now. I'm lucky that I have two.

Are you an expat too? What are you missing from home? Or if you're still living in your homeland, what would you absolutely have to have to survive in another country?

I don't know if it's good or bad that my must have is Hellmann's mayonnaise. It's a workable problem but why couldn't it be a problem over something a little more chic?

If You've Learned It, Share It

When I moved to Germany nine years ago I wished and wished that there was a place where I could go to get some answers and support. It was scary and weird moving to a place where I didn't know the language or the customs and wasn't used to the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) differences between Americans and Germans. I wanted someone to assure me that yes, one day I would really be able to speak German and no, it wasn't unusual to be horribly homesick and yes, these people laugh at stuff that's not funny to you and you'll laugh at things they don't find funny. I wanted someone to tell me where I could find baking soda and what detergents were really the same thing as what I used in America but with a different name and if it was possible to find cranberry juice without it being a trauma. I wanted someone to warn me that I'd have to pay for extra ketchup at McDonald's.

Sure, I learned a lot from my German husband but I also wanted to run things by Americans who'd been here longer than me and who knew the ropes a little better. I wanted to talk to people who could see things from my point of view and who understood my points of reference. I live in what was formerly East Germany and there was simply not many Americans around for me to interact with or even randomly run across. After living here for a couple years I did meet one American lady who taught English at a language school and it was so refreshing to talk with someone who'd learned the German life and who could give me some tips.

Nine years ago blogs were virtually unheard of and what expat bulletin boards I saw felt cold and a bit unwelcoming. I had newbie questions and felt intimidated by these folks who had been living the expat life for years and years. I ended up having to learn a lot of things the hard way and I'm still learning.

But if there's a need, trust that eventually a clever person or two will come up with a solution. Now there's a website dedicated not just to expatriates but to expatriate women and what better name to give it than Expat Women? The creators, Andrea and Jill, seasons expats themselves, have created a site that's friendly and helpful and enlists the help of expat women from around the world. It brings together women from all across the globe - students and professionals and moms and retirees and singles and married women - and allows them to help each other and to get real answers to real questions - answers from women who have learned first hand how the expat life works.

I wonder how many women over the years hated their years living abroad because they felt isolated and lonely and felt as if no one understood them? I wonder how many could have had a completely different experience if a resource like Expat Women had been available to them? I think so highly of the concept of women helping women live the expat life that I've volunteered to be a mentor to other women who may be moving to the eastern part of Germany or even Germany in general so that I can help them get through the transition and so they can bloom where they're planted.

And so that they'll not be taken aback when they're charged for extra ketchup packets.

If you're new to living abroad, go check them out. And if you've been living the expat life for a while, consider making your valuable knowledge available to women who will find it priceless.