Contented

A sweet friend of mine in New York - the Bronx to be exact, or as she calls it, the "Boogie Down" - reminded me today of a discussion she and I and some other friends had years ago. We were talking about our lives and how they were going and I talked about how I'm content with my life. And I am. I'm happy with how my life is and the way I live and I'll tell anyone who asks that I'm content. That conversation stuck with my friend and today she commented to me that my talking about my contentment helped her see that it's possible to be happy with what you have. It doesn't have to mean that you shouldn't try to improve things in your life if you're dissatisfied - my friend has changed careers and has, after a few crummy jobs, found a job that suits her to a T - but there's something to be said for being content with the good things you have.

Our conversation about contentment reminded me of my life when I first moved to Germany. I really wasn't content. I felt like a fish out of water, I was lonesome and felt out of place and I couldn't appreciate even the smallest thing that was good.

It took me living with B for a couple years - being around him and really learning who he is - for me to learn contentment. It was his example that taught me. B's been a quadriplegic for 24 years now. It's obviously not something he likes or asked for but it's what he's got. And while it took him a few years to get his own self adjusted to his changed life, he did it. He could have been spending all these years being bitter and wishing he could have his old life back but what good would it do? Instead he spent his time learning to do things in a different way and not dwelling on the things he has no ability to do. He began to like his life again.

I'd been spending my time in Germany during those first two or three years wishing I could be somewhere else. I didn't want to change what I knew and what felt comfortable and familiar to me. I didn't want to learn another language and get used to different food and become accustomed to different sense of humor and different customs. I spent so much time wishing I was somewhere else - back home where everything was familiar and felt so natural to me - that I couldn't appreciate anything about where I was. I was so critical of everything around me and I felt miserable. I couldn't even watch TV because I was so busy complaining that I didn't like the voices in the German dubbing.

And during all that time, B let me run. He didn't bother to come down on me or complain that I was complaining too much. He gave me the time I needed to adjust. What I needed was to do just that - make the adjustment. And by watching B live his life with patience and without self pity I learned that I could do it as well. That I could learn contentment.

I stopped thinking my MIL was interfering and began to appreciate that she was there to help me whenever I needed her. I made myself learn German so I could communicate with everyone and I didn't need to isolate myself. I learned to like the city where I live and to fall in love with certain parts of it. I learned to face up to my reality. Much like B had to learn that he wasn't going to have his life as a walking man back, I had to learn that I wasn't going to live in the US again. I learned to stop seeing my home in the US through rose-colored glasses and to see that not everything there is great and as it should be and not everything in Germany sucks and is inferior. Both places have their strong points and both places have their problems. It just didn't make sense for me to see the place where I live now as always being the inferior or second rate one. It doesn't mean that I can't love and appreciate my homeland but it does mean that I can see the good things in Germany and be happy with them.

It's not likely that I will ever leave Germany for good so I may as well learn to be content with where I am. This is my home too. It's okay that I have two homes. Loving my life here doesn't betray my homeland. And I simply don't want to spend the second half of my life being miserable that I'm not living in the US. I don't want to face each day being unable to feel good about my life. I like feeling content with my life and what I have. Why should I battle what I know won't change? I'd rather fill my life with the good things and work around the things that aren't very good.

There are two saying I like. The first is "Enough is as good as a feast.". That idea is what allows me to be content with the things I have. My apartment isn't the fanciest but it's in a nice neighborhood and it's comfortable and I can afford it without going broke. I don't have the most stylish clothes but I stay at home most of the time so why buy fancier stuff no one's going to see? I drive an 11-year-old car but it's paid for and it's not all dinged up or rusted out and it starts every time I turn the key. It's enough. Having bigger or better or newer wouldn't make me happier. The other saying I like is "Bloom where you're planted." and it's the saying that really guides my life. I have a choice - shrivel or bloom. I'd rather bloom.