Friday Shuffle - Celebrating an End and a Beginning Edition
November comes to a close and with it NaBloPoMo. It's my second year of participating and my second year of completing the task. Maybe I'll be picked for a prize and maybe I won't but the important thing is that I crossed the finish line. I can sometimes have trouble seeing a long term task to completion - hence my collection of single hand knitted socks. The biggest reason I could never become a marathon runner, besides the fact that I wouldn't run if I were being chased by a pack of knife wielding demons, is that about 2/3 through I'd become disinterested and stop somewhere for a cup of tea and book browsing.
And the 30th of November commemorates an important date in my life - it's the anniversary of the day I arrived in Germany. Ten years ago today I landed in Germany and began my life with B. It sounds corny to say but I can hardly remember what life was like before I moved to Germany. Of course that's not completely true but the bad parts seem less bad and over the years I remember them less clearly.
I've heard from a lot of people that B and I are a wonderful love story and I won't disagree with that. I've also heard from a lot of people that it must have been fate that B and I found one another. How else could one account for us to meet each other while we were still 5000 miles apart? But I'm not completely convinced it was fate or destiny or whatever you call it. I'm not sure to what I'd attribute our finding one another.
Years ago a friend and I had a discussion about destiny and if the grand, important events of our lives are us fulfilling our destiny. The conversation was spurred on by my having just read A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving which became one of my all-time favorite books. Without giving away the plot for those of you who haven't read this book, the main character, Owen Meany, learns early in life that he will have to perform a certain important duty at some time in his future and he directs events in his life, and in some instances the lives of others, so he will be able to perform this duty. Is what Owen does his fate that he can't change or is he making it his fate?
My friend said "Consider this: Let's say you're in deep, tall grass and you have to find your way to a clearing. You know it's ahead but you can't see where the clearing is located and it's up to you to find the right way to get there. So you walk along, not seeing what's ahead because the grass is too tall, and eventually you find the clearing. Then you turn around and you see the path you cut through the tall grass when you walked. Does it seem that you found the clearing because you took the right path - you were fated to follow that path - or does it only seem like the right path because you can't see any others...only the one you made yourself? And how do you know you found the clearing? Maybe there was more than one and this clearing happens to be the one you found first.". I didn't have an answer for her questions. I still don't have an answer. Maybe there doesn't need to be a definitive answer.
All those years ago when I was unhappy in my life I wanted happiness. That was my goal. It was my clearing. I wasn't exactly sure what was going to make me happy but I would know it when I was. I met B. We fell in love and ten years ago I moved to Germany. We got married and I live a happy, contented life. I reached my goal. I found the clearing. Now when I look backwards do I say that it was meeting and marrying B that made me reach my goal of happiness or was that the path I happened to take? The romantic in me makes me think that B and I were destined to find each other and build a life together. That we're each other's reason for being in the world. And then I think that other paths could have led me to the feeling of contentment that I now have. Maybe I could have been just as happy in life if I were living a completely different life. I don't have a good answer but I do know one thing. I am where I am now. I found my clearing and regardless of how I got here, I'm happy that I arrived.
What I do know is that it's Friday and on Fridays it's Bixente the iPod's fate to shuffle. Fulfill your destiny, Bixente!
- Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
- Toys In The Attic - Aerosmith
- Whip In My Valise - Adam Ant
- All Because of You - Blackmore's Night
- Help Yourself - Tom Jones
- You Win Again - The Bee Gees
- Ordinary Day - Great Big Sea
- The Holiday Song - Pixies
- All Over You - Live
- Alt Wie Ein Baum - The Puhdys