Dixie Peach: I need a tourniquet...

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I need a tourniquet...

...because I'm to the point where I'm hemorrhaging money. It's getting ridiculous.

I got to thinking (read: obsessing) about my kitchen again. While the carpenter from the moving company may be able to get my stuff moved in properly, he's not a designer and he's not seeing the big picture. I'm not a designer either but I know what I have and I know how I want the kitchen to look and with what was planned, it wasn't going to make it.

It's hard to explain here - you'll have to wait for the pictures later - but in the way my new kitchen is situated I will have hanging cabinets along one wall, a gap along a perpendicular wall and then another cabinet over the stove which in reality isn't a cabinet but my range hood. That's going to look stupid. So even though I have more cabinets, both hanging and floor, than I need what did I do this afternoon? I bought another cabinet - a corner door hanging cabinet to fill in that corner space. I have too many cabinets and I went out and bought another. Please let me sit down because the irony is making me ache.

I saw the guy who sold me my kitchen in the first place and he literally winced when I told him I was moving and his masterpiece - in my mind anyway - wasn't going to survive. He figured out what sort of cabinet I'd need and it'll be delivered an installed in about six weeks. I'll have to tell the moving company guys assembling my kitchen what to leave out so the new cabinet can be installed a month later. Mr. Kitchen Designer also reminded me that there's a wee problem with my dishwasher going at the end of the row of cabinets as it will have to be at the new place. The dishwasher is now in the middle of a row so there's no real cabinet that it sits in and therefore no side piece to now go to the outside. How do I remedy that? Pull the side off a cabinet I won't be able to use. It ruins that cabinet, of course, but I have to have an end piece. I can't have naked dishwasher hanging out there.

So let's see if we all have the story straight. I have more cabinets than I need, turned around and bought another cabinet to the tune of 380€ and will in the end have to destroy another to get one piece from it. Point me to the nearest brick wall on which I can repeatedly slam my head against.

I told Mr. Kitchen Designer that when all is said and done and the kitchen looks stupid, I'll be back to let him know so he can sell me more stuff to fix it. He chuckled and said he'd be glad to help but not to tarry because that model will end up being discontinued in about six month when the new styles come out.

Good thing I didn't put off moving for six or eight months. I'd seriously be fucked then.

I don't know if the Louds have received their eviction notice and figure they can go for broke or what their current malfunction is but today they've been horrible. This morning when I was out buying (!!!!!!) a step ladder B said the radio was up so loud he couldn't even hope to hear our TV. Herr Loud did at one point turn it down briefly. That was when he went off for ten minutes to take a crap. I guess he didn't want to have B miss out on the full effect of his shit scream. When it was over he came back and turned the sound up again. Did I fail to mention that he'd already woken us up at 4:10 this morning with his screaming?

It was quiet again until about 7:30 this evening. Again he had music up so loud that I couldn't hear our TV at all.

I thought about going upstairs and banging on their door but it would turn into a screaming match and honestly I'm not up for it. It upsets me and gives me a headache and I didn't feel like going to jail because I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't beat the piss out of those people.

I thought about banging on the pipes but that tends to result in him just turning the volume up even louder.

So I sat there. Fuming. Getting more pissed by the second.

And then without really even thinking about it first I turned on my digital TV service tuner and flipped it over to the radio setting. Let's see...hmmmm...the hard rock station will do. Linkin Park & Jay-Z. Perfect. And I turned up my TV to as loud as it could go until the song was over. Don't you know, as if by magic, the Louds turned down their music.

They'd best not pitch a damn thing to me they wouldn't want me to hit back right in their faces. My ability to give a shit about the feelings of these people officially ran out this afternoon when I got handed a bill for 380€.


Blogger Mahala said...

I don't see how you keep from killing them.

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's times like this that I want to be one of the Children of the Corn and make them disappear forever into the cornfield.

1:27 AM  

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