Dixie Peach: Identical Cousins

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Identical Cousins

Poppy and I have joked for years that she and I are identical cousins, a la The Patty Duke Show We do have a passing resemblence to each other and I fancy myself to be Cathy while Poppy always seemed like the Patty type to me. I happen to know that Poppy loves to rock 'n roll and a hot dog makes her lose control, especially if green tomatoes are involved.

It seems that there's a chance that Poppy's dog, Murphy, and my dog, Bonnie, may also be identical cousins - as much as two dogs of undeterminable breed living on different continents can be.

I got Bonnie from an animal shelter five years ago. Bonnie is a friendly dog who likes people and loves to be petted but she's very skittish about anyone doing anything to her body other than innocent petting. I believe this stems from the time before she was in dog jail when someone else had her and had cut her tail off to a very small stump. This means that when Bonnie's got something wrong with her, it's virtually impossible to examine the problem or relieve her of whatever's ailing her.

Bonnie had a tick on her snout. We dread ticks because Bonnie absolutely refuses to let us pull them off of her. It's not so bad if one is on her doggy torso because one can usually sneak up and snatch off the tick but if the tick is on her head, it's usually there to stay. Try to pull it off and Bonnie's happy to lop of your fingers for your effort. It's as if Bonnie considers these parasites to be her friends - and really, who hasn't had a parasite as a friend at one time or another? B and I have even taken to making jokes about it, calling her blood sucking friends "Ticky". Bonnie and Ticky. Sort of like a Martin and Lewis of the animal kingdom but without the copious amounts of cigarette smoking and light comedic banter. We noticed the new Ticky yesterday and our feeble attempts to dislodge Bonnie's buddy was greeted with growls and snapping teeth. Today Ticky had blown up to gigantic proportions and we believed that a trip to the vet was in order. We dread trips to the vet as they usually turn into a major fiasco.

My day was already not on the best track. I'd spent the entire morning in my gynecologist's office and regardless of how old I get, it still feels strange to me to get that intimate with someone when there isn't dinner and a movie attached to the event. And since I just can't get enough doctor loving, I was looking forward to the montly visit from our regular doctor in the afternoon.

It was a full house in my apartment this afternoon when Dr. K arrived. My MIL was there as well since Dr. K treats her and B and me all at the same time in one visit. With Dr. K was her new assistant physician. Physicians in Germany wanting to go into private practice must do a year as an assistant with a practicing physician and Dr. K brought Dr. Whatever-Her-Name-Is on her regular Thursday afternoon housecalls. Bonnie loves Dr. K, loves new visitors and was running around acting a complete ass when they arrived. No report on Ticky how he feels about new visitors.

While Dr. Whatever was giving B a flu shot and Dr. K was taking my blood pressure and my MIL was fetching coffee and cake (we always serve Dr. K coffee and cake on her visits to us), I noticed that Bonnie was lapping something into her mouth, rolling it around and then spitting it out. Lap. Roll. Spit. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Friendships come to an end and such was the case of Bonnie and Ticky. Evidently Ticky had gorged himself to his limit and had falled off of Bonnie's snout much in the way a turkey stuffed husband flops over on the sofa after Thanksgiving dinner and turns on the Lions game. I don't know if Bonnie just didn't recongize Ticky and was picking him up out of curiosity (" this just some junk on the carpet or a leftover bit of doggy treat that fell out of my mouth yesterday?") or if she was wanting to take their relationship to a more intimate level but she continued the lapping and rolling and spitting. I called for my MIL to come get Ticky away from Bonnie but Bonnie was having none of that. My MIL would reach down and Bonnie would slurp up Ticky and run away only to come back and spit him out again. Finally Bonnie either was tired of the lapping, rolling and spitting or she thought the time was ripe but she finally swallowed Ticky. Well, that solved that little problem. Disgusting, but probably no worse than dogs who eat crap out of cat boxes.

Dr. Whatever had just given me my flu shot as was preparing to give my MIL hers. Dr. K was sitting and writing up our records. All seemed to be fine until we heard "WRRREEAAAAGGGHHHH" and Bonnie doing some deep gagging. Up came Ticky but not in his original form. There was no sign of the Ticky we once knew but instead Bonnie urped up a river of slime. Bloody smeared slime. It was like a vampire had exploded inside of her and in a way one did.

I know Murphy would be so proud.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HA!! Hi Dixie - That was sooo funny and disgusting. I had to read it out loud to my BF sitting in the office here - inbetween bouts of serious laughter. I was just picking tomato and bean leaves out of my dog's fur. Much preferred to ticks.

4:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew the end would be that way, I prepared myself but gaaawwwwwwd that was nasty. I gagged too and I just woke up!!!!! so gross but so funny.

8:22 AM  
Blogger The Big Finn said...

Our dalamatian was the nicest dog in the world...until it came time to visit the vet. She would become vicious! I'd have to muzzle her at the vet's office and then put her in choke hold just so he could give her a shot.
She had one tick in her life that our neighbor Jane removed. From that day on, she would always growl whenever she'd see Jane, and we began calling Jane the "tick lady".
After that tick incident, I got some tick oil from the vet. I don't recall what it was called, but I just put a couple of dabs of oil on the scruff of her neck and just above her tail. She never had another tick again. You might want to ask your vet about it. I don't think it was very expensive, and it was very easy to apply.

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do NOT let Murphy read this! She'll want a Ticky of her very own. Believe me, with Murphy's sparkling personality, the only friends who'll have her are parasites.

My parents had a dog, pre-Chiggar, who used to drool and throw up whenever she had a tick. It was so bad that all we had to do was say, "Oh no! Mindy! A tick! A tick!" and she'd start gagging, even if there wasn't a tick to be found.

Them's some smart dogs we got there.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

OMG! That was so funny and so nauseating at the same time. That Bonnie is a hoot, that's for sure!

7:28 PM  

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