If I Were An Animal

...it's quite possible that I'd be a sloth.

For two weeks now I've been planning on taking a trip. Just an outing by myself. The plan was to get on a train to Quedlinburg and just look around and take photos and shop a little and have lunch and shop some more before getting the train back home. I was supposed to go last Thursday but I begged off because it wasn't the right weather, so I said. I rescheduled for tomorrow and I'm begging off again. Not because of the weather. I can't use that lame excuse again plus it's going to be a nice day tomorrow. I'm postponing my trip because of my MIL. That's who I'm blaming it on anyway.

When I have to be away from home for more than a couple hours my MIL comes to stay with B. She does a fine job substituting for me and I don't worry about his care. It should be the same this time around except for one thing - my apartment isn't absolutely clean. I mean it's not filthy but it's a little on the cluttered side. Some stuff needs to be gone though an put into its proper place and I haven't done it yet. I have cardboard boxes that need to be cut up and taken down to be thrown away in the recycling bin. I haven't yet finished washing my windows. My kitchen could use a good wash down and the worse thing of all, my yarn stash is all over the place. I promised myself last week after putting off my trip that I would spend this week getting things the way they should be. Instead I spent the week sitting around and knitting with the ocassional nap thrown in tied up with other things and the week was over before I had the chance to get things put right.

What does this have to do with my MIL? The answer should be "nothing" but that's not the case. I'm hesitating to leave my MIL here unattended because she my do the actual de-cluttering and organizing that I should be doing and the idea of her doing it makes me crazy. I should be doing this myself. I shouldn't be letting someone come in and do what I need to be taking care of personally.

I'm angry with myself. I'm angry that I'm letting opportunities pass me by because I won't let someone come in and do things for me and I've been too wrapped up in my own malaise to get it done myself. I've spent days thinking that nothing will happen today that didn't happen yesterday and won't happen tomorrow and therefore I can keep putting off my responsibilities until I've ground myself into the worst sort of rut.

Contentment can be a trap. Get too contented and you'll find you're letting things get away from you because you can't bothered to wrench yourself away from all the bliss.