Dixie Peach: Gettin' Dotty With It

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Gettin' Dotty With It

So much to say, so little ability to put it in any sort of real structure. Time for a bulleted list!

~ My MIL seems to have a boyfriend. Or beau. Or gentleman caller. Whatever it is you call a 73 year old widow's man action. And he's younger. Only 65. And he's a widower himself. He lives in the apartment building across the street from hers and she met him while they were walking their respective dogs. I'm pretty sure this is one big reason my MIL wants to share Bonnie with us - if we cut her off from regular dog walking she wouldn't meet as many people. Evidently I've seen this guy before as well when I was walking Bonnie - unfortunately I only remember his dog, a cute little smooth coat Jack Russell terrier named Willie. Anyway, she invited him over for coffee a few weeks ago and come to find out he's been wanting to ask her for coffee for a long time now but, as he put it, "I was nervous about approaching a fine lady like you.". Ever since their first little coffee meet-up they've been seeing each other nearly daily. And Bonnie likes his dog so it's a match made in heaven.

Want to know how much my MIL likes this guy? She won't let Aunt Annoying meet him yet. She hasn't even told Aunt Annoying about him yet. Saturday is Uncle Milquetoast's birthday and my MIL has to go over to their house for his dopey birthday party and I've got to be the one to drive her. In order to not scare this guy away she's choosing to be driven over there by me in an 11 year old, non-air conditioned Toyota Starlet instead of being driven by him in a comfortable 3 year old Mercedes. She must really dig this guy.

We're scheduled to meet him this Sunday. B's slightly hesitant about the whole thing because my MIL has not had the best track record with men since B's dad died. The first gentleman friend she had bought her nice gifts but he was weird and wanted her to stay with him at his apartment all the time - an apartment without a dishwasher or a microwave. Dishwashers and microwaves were too high faluten for him. That she could live with but she witnessed him having a hissy fit at a family party and that was it for him. The next guy was nice but a bit socially awkward and they ended up just being buddies until he dropped dead one day while visiting his late wife's grave. And the last one was a freak. After being together for about a week he wanted her to keep a framed photo of him in her apartment and he kept wanted to buy her groceries for her (a big no for her) and at her birthday party he kept hanging on her or petting her arm like she was a poodle. He was given the heave-ho after a month. B and I couldn't stand the guy. He walked around like he had a full diaper in his pants and B and I took to calling him "Pampers Butt".

~ Now we all need to join hands and say a prayer that on Saturday Magdeburg beats St. Pauli in soccer. Magdeburg has the opportunity to move up to the second league in soccer if we can beat St. Pauli...a major feat because last year we were in the fourth league. Third league games are virtually never shown on TV but this one will because it's a big deal. And what will I be doing while the game is on? I'll be driving to POS Cow Town with my MIL for Uncle Milquetoast's birthday festivities! And be forced to sit with the most obnoxious woman I know and her guests who are off-the-charts boring. Break out the muthafuckin' party hats!

~ Speaking of those who can throw a great muthafuckin' party, I want this t-shirt beyond all reason. I love Deadwood, I think Al Swearengen is brilliant and that line was one of the best lines of the whole show.

I just had an idea. Wouldn't that be a great t-shirt to wear to the Aunt Annoying/Uncle Milquetoast birthday festival?



Blogger sari said...

Oh, I hope the boyfriend turns out to be nice. And normal. Keep us posted!

Have *fun* at the party. You could wear the t-shirt; maybe Aunt Annoying doesn't understand all English slang? Maybe.

12:22 AM  
Blogger Katya said...

Oh, that t-shirt is just great! I've never watched Deadwood but my husband loved it, loved Al, and would love this shirt!

3:09 AM  
Blogger christina said...

I live too far out in the backwoods to get the pop cultural significance of the t-shirt but yeah, I think you'd make a big splash with it at the party. Anything to annoy Aunt Annoying.

And the new boyfriend thing - so sweet! Maybe this one will be a keeper.

10:33 AM  

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