Dixie Peach: Friday Shuffle - Won't Get Fooled Again Edition

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Friday Shuffle - Won't Get Fooled Again Edition

Darling Mollie sent me this story today about my nightmare come to life - a Big Mac museum. There's a museum devoted to one of the nastiest things man has ever created for a fellow human to eat.

But I try to like them.

Big Macs, when prepared properly, look good. I love hamburgers and Big Macs just seem like the ultimate. And so once every...oh...eight or ten years I attempt to eat one.

I seldom go to McDonald's and when I do my menu choices are pretty well limited to cheeseburgers and fries. The little cheeseburgers with those teeny reconstituted onions. Once in a while I will get a craving for two of them with a small order of fries and that does me fine for six or so months. Then it happens that I'll see someone getting a Big Mac and somehow I think I want one. Really, they're just pretty, pretty hamburgers. When they're all stacked up neatly and not all smashed and looking like they were used for wheel chocks they look tasty. I get swayed by the pretty and order one.

And you know it's always a mistake. I get my Big Mac - and let me pause here to say that every McDonald's I've ever been to in Germany makes their food look better than McDonald's in America. Much tidier and appetizing. Must be that German penchant for neatness. Anyway, I'm heed the siren's song of the tidy, tasty looking Big Mac, order it, open the little paper box and that's when the nightmare begins. I take my first bite and I realize my mistake - my mistake in thinking that this time it'll somehow taste like something I'd want to eat.

There are foods that fool me every time. Big Macs. Cottage cheese. Oh cottage cheese looks all creamy and lovely and when I think that this time it won't taste like wet rubber pellets I'm proven wrong. Asparagus. Now I really try to like asparagus. I make a yearly effort to like it. Springtime in Germany is asparagus time when the whole country goes ape over the luscious, delicious white stems. It never works for me. I could drown it in hollandaise and it still tastes like a pre-chewed tree branch.

The biggest food trickster are Manwiches - you know that sloppy joe sauce you buy in a can. Every time I've ever eaten a Manwich I've thrown up an hour later. Every time. And yet when I lived in America I would think "I can't come up with a thing to make for dinner. Hmmm...I've got some ground beef. Maybe I'll try that Manwich stuff again. Surely it won't make me throw up again." and before I could get the supper dishes washed I'd be in the bathroom purging myself of Manwich.

And it's the same with Big Macs. While they don't make me throw up - I don't usually get down enough to throw back up - I think that this time will be different. I'm seduced by their pretty looks and think "Maybe my tastes have changed. I used to hate broccoli. I used to hate oysters. My tastes for them changed. Perhaps I have, in the past ten years, developed a Big Mac palate.". And the bitch fools me every time.

So the Big Mac museum will not be on my schedule of things to do on my visit home. Leaves more time for me to hit every yarn shop I can find.

Let's shuffle.
  1. You Never Even Called Me By My Name - David Allen Coe
  2. Black Night - Deep Purple
  3. I Hear A Symphony - The Supremes
  4. Love On The Wrong Side Of Town - Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes
  5. Cigarette Dangles - Pursuit of Happiness
  6. Southern Girl - Better Than Ezra
  7. Today - Raul Malo (the tasty, tasty Raul Malo)
  8. Jessica - The Allman Brothers Band
  9. My Little Town - Paul Simon with Art Garfunkel
  10. In The Heartland - Michael Stanley Band



Blogger Hilda said...

What? What? What? How do you not like Big Macs? They are delicious! The two all beef patties, the special sauce, the lettuce, the cheese, the pickles, the onions (the same ones that are in the cheeseburgers - the magic onions!) and oh that sesame seed bun! What's not to love?

The fishburgers (OK technically they're Filet O' Fish, but I call them fishburgers - don't judge me!) with extra tartar sauce are almost as good. But my heart belongs to the king of fast food - the Big Mac.

Alas, my stomach has revolted against my soul and refuses to cooperate and digest a Big Mac without a whole lotta honking drama. And of late, I'm guessing my pancreas would put up quite the fuss as well. Damned, traitorous body!

3:09 AM  
Blogger sari said...

I love Big Macs. Love them. I don't love pickles, so I always order them with no pickles...and then I get a fresh juicy Big Mac that hasn't sat under a light for a while.

And fries and an icy cold Coke.

Yum. I think I need to go now.

3:47 AM  
Blogger BetteJo said...

I always get fooled by the commercials for places like Red Lobster where they show fork fulls of crab or lobster being dipped into wonderfully yellow, melted butter.

But if I break down and do the same thing you do - oh - my tastes have changed - etc - I still find I don't like it. I want to like it. But I simply can't. I'm beginning to think I just want to dip something in butter!

8:30 AM  
Blogger hexe said...

I agree about McD and Manwiches. I hadn't been to a McD is almost fifteen years when this summer it was way past lunch, the kids were whining, and the only option was a McD. My kids had their first happy meal and hated them :) Also watching the movie, Supersize Me, just freaked me out about all fast food.

But cottage cheese and aspargus? How can you not love aspargus? Throw both of these on a salad with a an italien dressing - YUM!

3:09 PM  
Blogger Marsha said...

My family, we are McDonald's junkies. All over Italy, Austria, Germany, France, Egypt, Japan, China we had to have us some Mickey D's. I have to say that the McDonald's that I went to in Munich was the worst McDonald's on the planet. It was dirty, I had to pay to pee in a dirty bathroom, and the food made me actually puke. I thought it was all Germany that was like that. Must have just been that one place? I prefer that little cheeseburgers myself or if I am really hungry a quarter pounder with cheese.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Cairogal said...

"In The Heartland - Michael Stanley Band"

OMG-You know who MSB is? I'm from Cleveland originally, and when I was growing up they were these hometown heroes. I didn't think they ever made it 'big' down south, or anywhere else for that matter, though my sister and I heard "My Town" in the Safeway in W. Seattle the other night!

8:42 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

I feel the same way about clam chowder: it smells good (especially if it's got dill in it), it looks rich and creamy. But then I take a spoonful and remember I hate clams. Every time.

9:39 PM  
Blogger TroyBoy said...

An untastey Bic Mac? How can it be Maybe it's the US to Germany translation? My only complaint with the God of fast food sandwiches is the slide factor. There is nothing quite like doing 70 mph down the highway when the middle bun of your Big Mac starts to slide out the side. You attempt to nibble of the affronting bread only to cause an equal and opposite reaction. The pickles start to slide out from the other side. A darn tastey sandwich but not very practical as a 'drive & eat' food. Hmmmm...I think this may be a good idea for a meme. Love your blog and I am adding it to my blog list. Later!

8:32 PM  

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