Dixie Peach: It never fails

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Friday, March 11, 2005

It never fails

My personal bad penny, Wolfgang - the goofy neighbor - just keeps showing up at the most inappropriate times.

B didn't feel well this afternoon so I'd delayed giving him his bath. Quadriplegics get rolled and tossed around during washing as it is so it's understandable that he wouldn't want to be rolled and tossed around if his stomach wasn't feeling so great. As it turned out I didn't get to start his bath until around 5:30pm. Around 6pm B's mom came in and we heard her talking to someone. At first I thought she was talking to the dog but then realized it was a person, identity as yet unknown. I start covering B up and my MIL walked in and said "Oh! You're still doing the bath. Sorry, I didn't know." and just then Bad Penny's...ahem...Wolfgang's head peaks around the corner.

"Oh! You're washing now. I'll leave you alone."

Good call on his part but did he leave us alone? Of course not! He absolutely can't resist asking B some computer questions.

Now let's keep in mind that Wolfgang's a computer moron. You can tell him fifty times how something works and he just doesn't get it. I will freely admit there is a pantload of stuff I don't know about computers but by golly you don't usually have to explain something more than once to me.

So the questions go like this. Keep in mind I have a naked, half washed man here that I've covered up with a big towel.

W - Hey dude. I want to send a picture in email. How do I do that?

B - How big is it?

W - (Using fingers to make a rectangle) I dunno. About that big?

I know my husband. I know at this point he's using every ounce of self discipline not to roll his eyes.

B - No. I mean how many bytes is the picture?

W - I dunno.

Wow. That doesn't surprise me any.

W - And I want to put smilies in my email. How do I do that?

B - (clearly not interested and clearly wanting to finish his bath) I dunno. Never did it.

Of course B knows how to do it. And so would Wolfgang if he read the help section of the email provider. He simply will not try to figure things out on his own. Plus we'll add in that B's not in the mood to give a lesson in email basics when he's in the middle of bathing!

I later suggested that B go to his apartment and ask Wolfgang about paint when he's in the middle of having a shower. See how that goes over.

Like I said, there's plenty of stuff I can't do with computers. Stuff that stumps me. I understand a lot but there are little things that just escape me. But by golly I at least try to read the help sections before I ask for advice. Wolfgang just doesn't try to figure things out on his own. And you know even when B does try to explain stuff to him, he doesn't get it. He says he gets it and then two seconds later he asks you again how to do whatever he wants done. Nothing sticks in his head.

Especially the instruction "Wolfgang, don't touch the TFT display. You can't use Windex on it like a regular monitor. Keep your fingers off of it.".

So Wolfgang stands there a little longer and I can tell I'm starting to get the look on my face that says "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY APARTMENT!" and it's then that he starts to get the clue that this isn't a good time to chit chat.

"Okay. Well, I'll call you up soon."

Thanks for the warning.

My MIL goes with him down the hall to the door and Wolfgang calls back over his shoulder "Hey, Dixie! When you get done with B, you can come upstairs and wash my back.".

Now is it just me or is that a wildly inappropriate thing to say to your friend's wife?

I gave one of those obviously fake you-are-so-not-amusing laughs and said goodbye.

Gack. Wash his back? What that grove of back hair he's got going on there?

There's a thought that out to keep me off my feed for a while...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh dear lord. can you say full body shutter?

you have the patience of job, sister.

3:24 PM  
Blogger BranV said...

"about that big"...omg, I just burst something internally.

So just how do you say "dude" in German?

10:20 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

"Alter" is how to say "dude" in German. It's not a literal translation but it's used in the same way. Know how I know that? Not because my German husband told me. I learned it from watching "South Park" in German. Think about it. How many times in an episode do they say "dude"?

2:05 AM  

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