...und tschüss

This evening as I was cooking supper I became so angry. And so disappointed.

I'm looking forward to moving. I'm looking forward to finally having a nice, peaceful home. I'm looking forward to being right in the part of Magdeburg were I've wanted to live since having moved to Germany. I'm looking forward to getting B out more often and for us having more choices for things to do. I'm even looking forward to little things like getting new carpet and freshly painted wall and having every room in my apartment absolutely clean and organized all at the same time.

And I'm pissed. I am so pissed off that all of this is happening because of one shitwitted family. I am pissed that we are the ones having to jump through hoops. That we are the ones having to make the compromises and sacrifices. Yeah, it's terrible that this man has some brain damage but why is it that my family has to pay a price for it? My husband is also handicapped. We certainly don't make others suffer because of it.

I'm pissed that I saved up for and waited and planned for years to have my kitchen remodeled and now that it's done and it's perfect, I have to leave it. Sure, I'll take the cabinets and appliances with me but that kitchen was designed for this apartment, not the one to which we're moving. It'll end up being nice once we modify it but it won't be the same because I'm losing about a 1/3 of the kitchen space.

I'm pissed that we're having to leave a home were we were happy. It's the home where I visited my husband when I came to Germany the first time.. It's the place where I have sweet memories of getting ready for our wedding. It's the place where we've had birthdays and Christmas and where we saw in the new century. It's the place where I first made love with my husband and where we've had days filled with contented hours and where we've had silly squabbles.

And what makes me most angry is that this whole pack of bullshit with that horrid family living above us is what it's done to B. I'm furious that he's had to be trapped and held hostage to the whims of that asshole. I can get up and walk out when it's really bad. I can get away any time I can't stand it but B can't. He's held hostage here by a body that won't work and he has to endure it like a prisoner being tortured. I'm pissed that his health has suffered for it. Pissed that he has more muscle spasams and trouble sleeping and pain - things that were under control before they started to terrorize us.

Right now it's a little after 9:30pm and their TV is blaring loud. I can hardly hear myself think and it's hard for B to hear the program he's watching on TV. I want to go upstairs and pound on their door and piss them off in the way they've been pissing me off for months. I want to cause them the same distress and inconvenience and frustration that they've inflicted on us. I want them to finally feel what it's like for someone to invade their home and make their personal refuge a place of misery. I want for them to get a taste of having to live under the whim of some selfish shitass.

And then again I think "Screw it. We're gonna be out of here in six or so weeks. It's not worth getting all worked up about and when it's all done we'll be in a nice home in a better area and we'll be happy. B and I will be happy wherever we are because our home isn't the place where our mail is delivered and where our stuff is but instead it's the place where other one is. We are what makes the home, not fabulous kitchen cabinets. We'll be happy and that miserable fuck is stuck with himself forever.".

That's the sweetest revenge of all. We'll be happy in our home again and that dumb bastard and and his liar wife are stuck with each other - and there's not one person in this building who can stand them.

They can have this place. I'm done with it.