Skin Deep

I have always had a fascination with cosmetics. From the time I knew what they were, I wanted to have them. I don't get this from my mother. She never was more than a powder and lipstick sort of lady - maybe a little rouge if it was a special occasion (by the way, at what point did we stop calling it rouge and start calling it blush?). I don't get it from my sister either. She took after my mom and seldom wore anything but lipstick until she got into her 30s. The person who gave me my love of makeup is my Aunt Cora. When I was little I loved to sit and watch her make up her face. Foundation, powder, eye liner and mascara, rouge and ending it all with the deep red lipstick she favored back in the 60s. I loved her collection of makeup and creams and lotions and perfumes and wanted them for myself. All those tubes and bottles and jars that would transform you into something gorgeous. They seemed like magic potions to me.

When I was thirteen and in the seventh grade I began to experiment with makeup myself. I didn't think my mother would let me wear it yet so I didn't even ask her for it but instead began borrowing makeup from friends in school. Lip gloss and eyeshadow - nothing that couldn't be washed off quickly as soon as I got home from school. This went on for a few month and then one day my mother came home from shopping and surprised me with makeup for my own. I remember very clearly what she gave me. Revlon Touch-And-Glow liquid foundation, a pot of Max Factor periwinkle blue cream eyeshadow, some Bonne Bell Lip Smackers lipgloss and a tube of Max Factor mascara. No powder and no blush but pretty soon I added those to my stash and I began pouring over copies of Seventeen magazine to learn what was new and how to put on makeup in the right way.

I soon became one of those girls who didn't go anywhere without wearing makeup. Pretty much the only activities I did makeup free were swimming and sleeping and if I could have worn makeup while swimming I would have. I remember my late 70s look - painfully thin eyebrows, eyeshadow to match my eyes, meaning only blue, heavy blush and really glossy lips. Lips so glossy it looked like I'd just finished eating an extremely greasy pizza.

By the time I reached college I had my makeup application routine down to a science and could slap on a full face in under ten minutes. Not such a unique trick at my small Southern university where girls were known to put on full makeup and set their hair in hot rollers before going to do their laundry. You just never knew who might have the washer next to yours.

When I entered the working world it was the early 80s and my makeup matched. Glossy lips were replaced by strong matte lipsticks and making the smokey, smoldering eyes look was my specialty. I look at pictures of me from back then and am amazed at the amount of eyeliner that I wore. It was the time of big hair and you had to have the big makeup to match.

By the time I left work for good and moved to Germany my makeup had toned down to match the times and I had to make another change. I went from going to a job each day to staying home every day and it seemed unnecessary and even a bit wasteful to wear a full compliment of makeup. I'd also reached the age where too much makeup makes one look like one is trying too hard to look like a teenager. I then went on my quest to find just the right makeup for me and it's taken me years to find what I like. I've finally whittled down my makeup routine to just using a light powder foundation, eyebrown pencil, eyeliner pencil, mascara and lipstick. If I'm going somewhere I'll add blush and eyeshadow as well. I don't have to do this. I could probably get along fine without any makeup at all since most days I don't venture off any farther than the end of my block. And while B likes my makeup, he likes me without it as well and leaves the question of whether or not to use it completely up to me.

But I can't break the habit. I love the routine of putting on each cosmetic. I love how I feel brighter and cheerier if I'm made up. It makes me feel connected to my other friends who adore makeup as much as I do and don't find it a bit strange that I can't seem to pass a collection of lipsticks without buying one. It makes me feel like I wanted to feel all those years ago when I would watch Aunt Cora transform herself with just a few little bottles and jars of magic potions. It doesn't make me a better person or more worthy. That sort of thing takes more than just makeup. All it does is give me a bit of frivolous happiness and feeling happy is worthwhile.

Aunt Cora turns seventy-five this weekend. She's still beautiful and she still loves all the girly-girl cosmetics. In fact that's what I sent her for her birthday - beautiful, fragrant lotions and creams. More magic.