Because She Wants To Know

Lisa, who I always call "Sugar Fluff" - I am not allowed to call anyone else that! - is a dear friend of mine. Some of what I really love about her is that she loves to just chat with no agenda in mind - we just talk about whatever comes up and our conversations always come from the heart. Often Lisa and I discuss how we'd love to be in her kitchen or mine having coffee (or tea, in my case), eating cream horns and just talking to hear each others voice.

So I really had to smile when today I got this email from Lisa:

Hey Dix,

I got up early and was thinking about you today and missing you. I thought....if I were sitting next to you, what would I be asking you? So, I thought since I can't sit next to you, then I'll just email it. You can answer on your blog or just in an email or however you want to.

I love and adore you.

Lisa

So here are her questions and how I answered them:

What would I have seen, heard, eaten and experienced if I would have eaten at your dinner table when you were 13 years old?

Yikes. Probably nothing good. My sister wouldn't have been there - she was away at college. My oldest brother may or may not have been there - he was very unfocused and jumped from one thing to another at that time. Funny to think now he has a PhD. Back then he couldn't set a goal to do nearly anything. My other brother would have been there eating anything that wasn't nailed down - he would have been 16 years old then. I'd have definitely been trying to fly under my dad's radar - we did not get along with each other then at all. But the food would have been great. I can imagine us having fried chicken or steak or ham. Fresh vegetables from the garden. Lots of iced tea. Peach cobbler for dessert. If no one was fussing about anything my mother would have been quite charming. If not, forget it. Someone's meltdown would be imminent.

When did you absolutely know you were going to be with B for the duration? Was there anything that made you think, "Ok, now I know for sure."?

It was when I saw him for the first time after spending a year talking with him online and on the phone. I don't know if I can describe the look on his face but it was a mix of sheer joy and a look in his eyes that said "I am completely yours. I'm trusting you with my whole life.". The feeling it gave me felt so right. I knew it was the way I was supposed to feel with someone I was in love with. And when I still felt that way after seeing first hand what it took to care for him, I knew that we really did belong together.

What is the first three things you're going to do when you get to heaven?

1. Be overwhelmed by the feeling of love and contentment and the feeling of really belonging. I know heaven is the one place where everyone there is absolutely wanted and loved.

2. Find my father and tell him I'm sorry. And tell him that now I understand a lot of what I could never understand about him when he was alive.

3. Find Heather [Lisa's niece]. Laugh about the whole hiding-the-Christmas-tree thing. Find a good spot to sit. Eat cream horns and red velvet cupcakes until you and Darling Mollie get there.

What are 3 things that make absolutely no sense to you?

Let me first say that just because something makes no sense to me it doesn't mean that I don't like it. It is simply something I don't understand.

1. Ice hockey. I don't get the rules. It's too fast. I know there's strategy involved but it only looks like skating, bumping into others and chasing a puck around.

2. The universe. I don't get how there's no end to it. I don't get how we see light that's an almost unbelievable distance away - so distant that its source may not even exist any longer. How the universe constantly expands but if it's expanding then what is it expanding into? Doesn't that mean it has an edge? I look up at a star filled sky and contemplate these things and become nauseated by the sheer complexity of it all.

3. Why anyone would rather be famous even after having never accomplished anything of any consequence rather than do something that enlightens or inspires or makes others better or makes our world better even if their name remains obscure. Why being known is better than being accomplished?

Why are you always so surprised when we make such a fuss over you at the Peach Pilgrimages?

For the unenlightened, the Peach Pilgrimages are what we call the get-togethers I have with my friends when I get back to the US for a visit. We meet up for a weekend, talk, laugh, eat, and in general just love on each other. Lisa's the one who dubbed it The Peach Pilgrimage.

I think I get so surprised when y'all make such a fuss over me because I feel unworthy. I think most of my life I've struggled with idea that I feel left out and I've always wanted to feel as though I fit in and belong. I struggle with the idea of rejection and really, really wanting to be liked by people I like. I get together with y'all and I have to keep pinching myself to believe it's all real. That y'all uproot yourselves for a weekend, travel hundreds of miles and then proceed to spoil me like crazy. I can't get over that people whom I'm not related to by blood or marriage would really do that for me. I have to say though that the last Pilgrimage reinforced the idea that:

A. I really am loved by y'all.
B. You wouldn't do it if you didn't really want to.
C. Y'all enjoy it when I'm enjoying it.

Y'all love it best when I relax and just enjoy so I'm working on putting away the hang ups and just getting in to the bliss.

Describe Darling Mollie in 5 words.
Darling Mollie is my best friend, fellow Peach Pilgrim and also a dear friend of Lisa's. We just adore her. And if I have to limit myself to five words for Darling Mollie, they'd be these:

1. Gorgeous. This isn't an exaggeration. Mollie is so, so beautiful. The sort of beautiful where she walks through a room and all heads turn to look at her. And she always knows the right thing to wear and has incredible taste in fashions and decor.

2. Faithful. Mollie is so strong and sure of her faith that I can feel it strengthening my own.

3. Witty. Darling Mollie has a great sense of humor but it goes beyond that. Her humor is smart and witty and she has such an great turn of phrase. I could be in the black hole of depression and Mollie could get me to laugh. She's humor with a brain.

4. Smart. And she's always eager to learn more. Mollie's always curious and enjoys searching out answers. She's a joy to talk with because she's well beyond talking about mundane, forgettable crap.

5. Reliable. If I needed Mollie - I mean really needed her, she'd move a mountain to get to me. Literally. Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train? I'd call Mollie. Dead body in my trunk and I didn't put it there? I'd call Mollie. By coincidence sit next to Nikki Sixx on an airplane and don't know what to say to him? I'd call Mollie. If I need cheering up or advice or comforting, I know I can call Mollie at any time and she'll be there for me, no question about it. She's one of the very few people I would trust not only my life with but my husband's life - and when it comes to him that sort of trust is very rare.

That was fun. Thanks you, lil Sugar Fluff. I love you. And the cream horns are on me.