Dixie Peach: Well hell - may as well rip off another...

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Well hell - may as well rip off another...

...'cause I know y'all just can't wait to learn more useless trivia about The Peach.

I actually like to fill out questionnaires and forms in general. I don't know if it's because I like telling people about me or if I just like seeing blanks filled in but give me a questionnaire and I'm like a pig in slop.

I only had to do it once but back in 1990 when I had to fill out the US Census form I was practically giddy - and I'd been one of the ones who got the short form. Had I got the long, drawn out form I probably would have been orgasmic. I was actually bummed that during the last census in 2000 I wasn't in the US to get my form.

This one comes from my pal, Brandi.

1) What is the weirdest looking thing on your body - by nature or by accident?

My toes I suppose. They're long and thin and vaguely resemble fingers. Purely a gift of nature.

I can snap my toes. That's purely a gift of hard practice.

2) Handful or just a few sheets of toilet paper?

Handful. I ain't just going to dab and hope for the best.

3) What is the absolute smelliest place you've ever visited?

The north end of my hometown in Mississippi can smell like death when the wind from pulp wood plant shifts.

4) Name an entertainment person you'd like to muzzle...and not in a pervy bondage kind of way.

Jay Leno. He just clatters like a bell clap.

5) Name an entertainment person you'd like to a pervy bondage kind of way.

Normally I would have said Colin Firth but ever since Sal said she met him and reported that he's a bit of an asshat, I'll have to go with my fallback boyfriend, Owen Wilson.

6) Weapon of choice: noogie, nipple twist or the claw?

The claw. I'm not handling the nipples of someone that I feel the need to use a weapon on.

7) Did you ever give someone a food that was not what they thought it was or had been altered in some disturbing way?

I licked the bottoms of my college roommate's Hostess cupcakes when she wasn't looking. Just feeling like a vengeful bitch that day.

8) Is there ever a non-bodily-threatening reason to kick a guy in the crotch?

If he's been taking that crotch where it didn't belong and I find out about it, it's going to meet the end of my foot.

9) You meet the love of your life. You find out later that they are your long lost second cousin. Make it or break it?

It's a deal breaker for me but not for all my kin. My first cousin's daughter once dated the son of my and my first cousin's aunt. In other words, my second cousin dated her great aunt's son. I don't know what the hell that works out to be but it rates high on my oogy scale...and evidently isn't illegal to do in Mississippi.

10) Where's the weirdest place you've ever used the bathroom?

Nothing more weird than a cow pasture.

11) You have to pick one politician you dislike to get jiggy with. Who is it, and why?

Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania. He needs to learn a little humility at the end of my six inch stiletto heel.

12) Cremation or burial?


13) Would you rather be a kleptomaniac or agoraphobic?

Agoraphobic. Hell, I'm at home all the time anyway.

14) Would you rather have a house with a poltergeist or bugs?

Poltergeist. What better entertainment for me if I'm going to become an agoraphobic?

15) Mickey Mouse and Winnie the Pooh are tied to the train tracks. You only have time to free one before the train comes. Who do you save?

Mickey had better get his four fingered gloved hands to working on that rope because I'm going with the bear.

16) If you were being reincarnated and had to choose a different race then you were in this life, what would you choose?

American Indian.

17) You get the choice to be one of these three, what do you choose: the prettiest person in the world, the richest person in the world, or the smartest person in the world.

Richest. No one cares if you're an ugly dumbass if you've got the cash.

18) Samantha or Jeannie?

Jeannie. It's all about the bottle, baby.

19) Would you rather be trapped in Dallas, Melrose Place or Desperate Housewives?

Desperate Housewives. At least they're witty and have the sort of houses I like.

20) Trashiest food craving?

Frito Chili Pie from Sonic. Hell, anything from Sonic!


Anonymous E (Barefoot's husband) said...

Good answers, Dix.

1. On the back of my head, (thank God it's covered by hair) is a pointy knob. Don't think that you can start calling me knobby now!

2. Handful. No sense wasting time, get it done while you can!

3. A tee tiny town in Argentina. It consisted of four houses and a post office/store/mercantile, etc. No telephone service and no petrol.

4. Gilbert Gottfried. Either muzzle him or just freeze him for future experiments.

5. Christina Applegate. I want to look at her, not hear her.

6. Noogie. Gee Todd!

7. Yep. I used to be a burger cook at a fly spot greasy spoon. When I was pissed at a customer, I used to flip the burgers onto the ceiling and then time them until they dropped.

8. Sure, if the SOB is cheating at cards or moving in on my wife!

9. Break it. Long story, but it has happened in my family. Ask me later sometime...

10. Out the back end of a Army Caribou (baby Hercules) some where over Idaho or Oregon. And yes, it was cold!

11. Condescending Rice. Just can't stand the b--ch!

12. Cremation.

13. Klepto. My first wife was agoraphobic. When her grandfather died, she was scheduled to sing at the funeral. The service was about 400 miles away. I got about 75 miles before she freaked out and I had to bring her home. Not very pretty to watch.

14. Bugs. I have dealt with poltergeists before. They are not nice!

15. Mickey, but only if I got some cash from that rich little mouse.

16. Doesn’t matter. I believe that we are all one race.

17. Smartest. Being smart I could always cheat some poor bastard out of their cash.

18. Samantha. I like 'em smart and sassy, just like my wife.

19. Dallas, as long as I have control of the money.

20. My wife loves Frito chili pies too. For me, it would have to be two MdD's cheese burgers and a diet coke.

5:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site rules. I don't know you but I love the site. You have an interesting writing style. Take care.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Dixie said...! I love it when you check in here.

Knobby. I'm so packing that away for later use...

And my anonymous friend - thanks for the's much appreciated!

Here that folks? I RULE!

10:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home