Shut your eyes until it's over

You know that anxious, tense feeling you get when you're in a situation that makes you extremely, extremely uncomfortable? It's exactly how I feel whenever I have to drive my MIL somewhere.

I like to drive. And while she can be somewhat of a backseat driver I like driving my MIL places when she needs it. To a point.

When we're in the city, I'm completely relaxed. We seldom go more than five miles in any one direction are aren't going more than about 50kph (about 30mph). It's when we have to get out on the Autobahn that I get antsy.

I'm not afraid of driving on the Autobahn. I have complete confidence in myself as a driver and in the nearly 30 years that I've been driving I have yet to be in an auto accident as a driver (knock wood). What creeps me out is the idea that someone else could cause an accident and then we'd be in a world of shit. All it takes is a Mercedes going 200kph (about 120mph) getting tangled up with some other dork shuffling along in the left lane and one of them comes careening over to me for us to have one hell of an accident.

I don't have this fear when I drive alone - it's only when my MIL is with me that I have this sort of anxiety. I can't wait for us to get to where we're going so I can dump her out and I can relax because it's only when she's not in the car with me that I can stop the worry. My fear stems from the idea that if we're together and there's an accident, not only can we be in a world of shit, the world of shit will extend over to B. If my MIL were hurt, I can take care of B. If I were hurt, my MIL could take care of B. If we're both hurt at the same time, there's no one to take care of B. No one.

My greatest worry isn't over me. It's about my husband and any remote idea that I won't be able to care for him. No one wants to take on a quadriplegic and if I can't care for him and my back-up...my MIL...can't care for him then he'd be put into a nursing home. And frankly you may as well count on him not lasting long there. My husband having no one to care for him is my greatest fear in life. I wish I could make a bargan with God that B would have to die before me.

I suppose there's logic in the idea that I shouldn't worry about something I can't control and I take longer drives with my MIL maybe three or four times a year but I can't shake the anxiety it gives me until we're separated. I'm starting to think that maybe we should be like the president and vice-president and never travel in the same vehicle.

Selling the car is looking like a better idea to me now.