When advice isn't even considered

Saturday's visit from B's aunt and uncle was a success. By success I mean that I didn't ask that someone leave my home or consider injuring anyone. Not long consider, anyway.

It wasn't until dinner was finished (And by the way, by the time I could get B's food cut up and set out for him to eat and could start to get my own food served B's aunt, Gabi, was digging for second helpings. I understand she's the guest but don't even basic manners dictate that one waits for everyone to be served before going for seconds?) that I became very annoyed.

The conversation went something like this:

Gabi: Are you friends with the people who live above you?

Me: The ones that own the boutique on the corner? I know them a little. They're at work a lot. Their little girls are nice.

Gabi: You should be friends with them. If you're friends with them then you can get them to help you put B in his wheelchair.

Me: I can't do that. I can't ask people to help me with B - not people I don't know.

Gabi: So get to know them!

Me: Gabi, it doesn't work like that. I don't make friends with people so they'll do me favors. And I am extremely uncomfortable asking people to help me with B.

Gabi: You ask your MIL to do it.

Me: That's a completely different thing! First, she's his mother. Second, she learned how to handle him.

Gabi: Well the neighbors can learn too.

B and MIL: No Gabi, it's different.

Gabi: I don't see why it's different.

Me: Because if someone wants to help me they can offer. If I ask first they get put on the spot. Not everyone is comfortable dealing with handicapped people. Handicapped people sometimes freak out other people. They're just uncomfortable around them. People don't like to be put on the spot about stuff like that because if they feel uncomfortable and say no then they feel guilty for saying no to a crippled guy. That's exactly what they'll think. "I said no to a crippled person! I'm going to hell now!". I can't do that to people.

Gabi: But you expect your MIL to do it.

MIL: I want to do it!

Me: She doesn't have to. The day she doesn't want to do it anymore, she can say no. I know it's physically difficult for her and when she doesn't want to do it anymore, she'll tell us.

Gabi: I don't know why you don't ask the people living above you.

Me: Gabi, they're at their store all day!

Gabi: Exactly! You know where they are all day! You can just pop into the store and ask one of them to help you put B in his wheelchair!

Me: I'm supposed to say "Hey, leave your store empty for a while and help me with my husband!"? Are you serious?

Gabi: Yes!

Me, B, MIL: NO!!

Thank goodness they left soon afterwards else I'd have gone berserk. I can't believe a woman who has known B since he was a teenager - well before his accident - and who since his accident has never once lifted a finger in any way, shape or form to help care for him is telling him, me and his mom how to handle it.

The rest of the weekend was spent knitting and watching movies. It helped me get over my mad.