Dixie Peach: Friday Shuffle - You Just Don't Get It Edition

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Friday Shuffle - You Just Don't Get It Edition

I'm one that believes that certain folks shouldn't bother owning computers and even if they do, they should face up to reality and admit that they don't need to be on the internet - that it's just too much for them. Gerd would be such a person. He bought a new laptop about a month ago and just got an internet connection through our cable TV company. He couldn't figure out how to sign into the cable company's website to use their email service. He brought over the laptop to show B and I that his computer must be cursed because he couldn't get numbers to type in. And about half the time he can't even get to the website. Stupid computer! It must be broken! Turns out that about half the time he types in a comma instead of a period in the web address and he couldn't get numbers to type in because he was using the number key pad and didn't have the number lock on. Since a plain email service would be easier for him to handle, I set one up for him on Yahoo.

"Gerd, what password would you like to use?".

"Use the dog's name."

At this point I wanted to elbow him in the throat for saying that.

A few minutes later I had it all set up and showed him how to get to the Yahoo page and how to sign in to the email. When he got home he couldn't do it. I mean he couldn't get to the Yahoo page. The next day my MIL reported to us that he'd just been putting in "Yahoo" and that was it. No .de or even .com. My MIL told him that he needed to type "" and he said he didn't. For the love of all that is holy, if my MIL knows this and you don't, back the hell away from the computer. Permanently. She then suggest that she call us to say he couldn't make things work so we could retell him what to do and he replied "I don't want to. They'll think I'm stupid.".

Oh no, Gerd. That's not at all when we'd think you were stupid. You'd have to go back in time for that. Okay, that was mean. He's not stupid. He's just...uh...simple.

Gerd kept trying unsuccessfully to get to his email account and the more he failed, the more he was pitching a fit and cursing. The laptop was a piece of shit and the internet was a piece of shit and they could all kiss his ass.

Let me say at this point that my husband's family is quiet. Fit pitching and yelling isn't done by them and is not looked upon with kindness. A good way to fall out of favor with them is to have a hissy over something that is of little importance. They're roll-with-the-punches sort of people and being all loud and vulgar isn't they're style.

My MIL got so annoyed by Gerd's refusal to even listen to her suggestions and by his having a conniption over it all that she just got up and went to bed and left him to stew.

Yesterday my MIL was over here visiting without Gerd and she reported in a very...well, let's just say that she wasn't using her lovey-dovey happy voice...that Gerd couldn't access his Yahoo email and we went over everything with her again. She wrote down the step-by-step directions and we thought sure that he would have no problem.

Tonight she reported that Gerd still can't access his email. Even with step-by-step, so simple my dog could follow them directions, he can't get to his email. For the love of Pete - if he can't figure out Yahoo email then I just know the rest of the internet is going to baffle the monkey shit out of him. I really don't want to call his intelligence into question but I'm becoming afraid that he's going to end up sending someone in Nigeria $10,000.

They're coming over tomorrow and bringing the laptop with them so we can yet again explain how to access his email account. Shall we all take bets on what he's been doing wrong when out from under our watchful sight?

Time to shuffle:
  1. You Said - Chikinki
  2. Voices - Cheap Trick (Which reminds me that in high school I had a big crush on Robin Zander - he fit my preference for skinny, blonde, long haired lead singers.)
  3. It Means Nothing - Stereophonics
  4. Crash The Party - Ok Go
  5. Walk Right Back - Everly Brothers
  6. Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
  7. Secondary Waltz - Mark Knopfler
  8. Tuff Enuff - The Fabulous Thunderbirds
  9. Reflections - Diana Ross & The Supremes
  10. Sheena Is A Punk Rocker - The Ramones
Y'all have a good weekend. And I promise not to elbow anyone in the throat.

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Blogger Maria said...

I'm kind of feeling guilty right now because that was laugh-out-loud funny and yet I'm sure it must have been frustrating as hell for you.

12:52 AM  
Blogger Marsha said...

I can't help but wonder who in the world he is going to email. I have been trying to teach my "sweet" little miss Lily to use a mouse, I am thinking she is destined to grow up to be just like Gert. Joking.

4:33 AM  
Blogger Hilda said...

You're a patient woman'll be fine.

What about creating up desktop shortcuts for the Yahoo browser and one directly to the e-mail program?

Good luck!

6:18 AM  
Blogger The Big Finn said...

He'll get the hang of it eventually. I couldn't believe what I was seeing the first time I saw my mom use a mouse. It was as if I was asking her to move a 1,000 lb. red-hot coal with her tongue. It's as if her hand just would not work that way, but she finally figured it out.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

I've got a friend sort of like that who eventually bought a WebTV so she could do email. It worked very well for her until she outgrew it's ability and bought a MacBook. Now I give her long distance lessons on such troublesome annoyances as attaching photos to emails. Luckily she's not quite as stubborn as some unnamed gentlemen. Just the word "Desktop" has her flummoxed, though.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Rositta said...

That made me laugh too but for different reasons. When I got my first computer (toshiba laptop) back when you still had to stick a disc in it to make it work and we were all using DOS (I know I'm dating myself here) I had all kinds of problems. My son who lived in Yellowknife, NWT was my link to sanity. There were many expensive (in those days) help phone calls and I'm sure my DIL thought I was a ditz too. I guess with every new thing at a certain age, there is a learning curve. You strike me as the type of woman how has the patience to teach him...ciao

4:41 PM  
Blogger DBunny said...

Hmm, reminds me of my niece. She calls here often with the damn simplest questions about how to use her computer. I wish my husband would quit helping her, actually. Most of us learned how to use the internet by sitting in front of a computer and clicking around until we figured it out. Duh. But then, remember that you're a total GENIUS to others. "You figured out how to install and use Firefox ALL BY YOURSELF????!!! WOW!" ;-)

7:01 PM  
Blogger BetteJo said...

Sounds like a man who is in serious need of some short-cuts. Short-cut icons ALLLLLLL over his desktop. Or favorites. Or something.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Sugar Fluff said...

It's like a circus around there, Dix. LOL

Maybe if he wrote down the steps, that might help. If anyone can give directions patiently, sister, it is you.

6:57 PM  
Blogger hexe said...

When you figure out how to teach Gert let me know as my father still is working locating his email icon on his desk top. Would send him pictures of the grandkids but they'd be college-age before he could open his email.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Electronics should require a license.

Substitute "Gerd" for "Fred", and you have Brian's weekend. My uncle Fred, who still can't even call my husband by the right name after nearly a decade, spent Friday night hounding him with God-awful simple computer questions, then refused to listen.

Favorite line of the night: "Hey Byron? Are you a pirate?"

Seems Uncle Fred wants to be a pirate. And by "pirate", I mean he wants to copy some DVDs. The urge to alert the authorities is strong, indeed.

9:37 PM  
Blogger Dixie said...

I swear, if I ever see Brian in person the first thing I'm going to say to him is "Hey Byron, are you a pirate?".

I made B call last night to ask if Gerd has been able to get on his email and Gerd says he did. I'm not sure if I believe him but that's Gerd's problem.

11:02 PM  
Blogger Twango said...

This was quite funny for me, but I'm sure if you were a nail biter, you would have had nubs.

2:51 AM  

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