Dixie Peach: Yes. Him Again.

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Yes. Him Again.

I hate to keep harping on the same tired subject but every week I grow more irritated with Gerd and it's getting to the point whether I'm not sure if I'm actually irritated with him because he deserves it or if it's merely because I believe he deserves it.

Today the medical supply guy came by our apartment for us to see a push wheelchair he believed would suit B. It seems like just what B needs but to even get the process of him obtaining this chair started we have to have a prescription from our family doctor for this specific style of chair. This evening B was telling his mother that we'll need this prescription and normally his mother would be all over getting that done - she'd want to take care of getting it herself because that's just the thing she loves to do. Instead she said nothing and I suspect it's because he told my MIL that he didn't like Gerd doing stuff for him behind his back. I suspect she told Gerd and he got miffed or even downright pissed about it and now he's pressing her to not do anything for him, or at least as little as possible. It's not that I can't be bothered to go get this prescription myself. I certainly can but it's normally the sort of thing that my MIL insists that she take care of so when she didn't even mention going by the doctor's office it struck B and I both as being a little funny.

Lately my MIL sounds very matter-of-fact on the phone. Not unfriendly but not herself either. She sounds distant and distracted - like she's trying to say as little as possible and end the phone call when she can because her talking on the phone is disturbing Gerd or something. When he's not home she's completely normal again and chats her head off.

I'm detecting a distinct "us vs. him" thing with her. It's as though she's divided between her loyalty to her son and her loyalty to Gerd. In August I was with my MIL when she ran into a longtime friend of hers. My MIL said "I haven't heard from you in so long!" and the lady said "Well I want to call but when I do it always seems like it's a bad time for you and you can't really talk to me.". That definitely caught my attetion. And my MIL's brother and his wife, who used to come visit her every week, seldom come visit her. It's not like my MIL was relishing her visits from Aunt Annoying and Uncle Milquetoast anyway but I believe they don't care for Gerd - at least Aunt Annoying doesn't - and they like to limit their contact with him.

Like I said this may be real or it could be all in my head. Maybe I'm making the evidence fit the conclusion I'm drawing. We want to like this guy and get along but B and I both think he's controlling her and maybe even trying to isolate her.

I hate that we have to feel this way. B was always so close with his mom and it feels like we're losing her.



Blogger Significant Snail said...

Oh boy. Red flags for sure. She shouldn't have to choose. If he is trying to control/isolate her please don't make it easy for him! Perhaps you and the brother and wife can all combine your visits so the 'dose' of Gerd is easier to take? Your MIL knows what's right, so be as supportive as you all can be.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The sex must be spectacular.

2:35 PM  
Blogger jane said...

you come off to me as a very good judge of character. trust your gut.

i feel bad for her, b and you. gerd, not so much. though, now i have to go back and read every bit about him.

have a good weekend. looking forward to your shuffle. was thinking about you last night when i was downloading stuff. do you like john hiatt? last week or the week before you had a song called "have a little faith in me" and john hiatt has a song by that name - but i am pretty sure yours is different. anyway, it's a great song.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There has to be a way for B to talk to M. He is in his right to at least express his concerns. I know, I know- but if he is not accusing and instead points out how things seem different, perhaps she would open up.

Yes, this is terrible, M is a wonderful lady and I know how you adore her.

Anonymous- classy.

D Mollie

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*shrug* It was my first impression. I don't know how long mom and Gerd have been together, but you know when a relationship is in its first flush - and this can be the first 2-3 years before the new wears off - people tend to ignore obvious problems that occur in order to have needs met that haven't been met for a while. And no, I don't just mean sex, but that can be a part if one has been alone for a while.

Yes, K is a good judge of character and if she respects B's mother then she doesn't strike me as the type who'd fail to see a potentially abusive situation for no good reason and be trying quietly to work around it.

Lisa (the formerly anonymous)

10:06 PM  
Blogger sari said...

Isn't there any time when Gerd is doing something else and you could see her??

I wouldn't just let him do that, no matter how irritated I was with being around him.

7:42 PM  

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