Friday Shuffle - Honesty Can Be Brutal Edition

One of the best things about a friendship is that you build a bond of trust. When you feel close with someone you feel as if you can trust them with a very important question: "Do you like it?". Your friend can mean "Do you like this dress?" or "Do you like this wine?" or "Do you like my new haircut?" or "Do you like this cake?". I'd like to believe that for the most part our friends give us an honest answer when we ask that question. They'll let us know if the cut of that dress doesn't flatter our figure but sometimes they won't. Sometimes they just don't have the heart to say your new haircut makes you look like a yeti or that the maple walnut cake you baked tastes like something you scraped off your shoe.

Now one would think that when it comes to family one would have even more freedom to be absolutely honest because, after all, they're family and you're stuck with each other but that's not always the case. Sometimes you can't find it in your heart to say to your sibling or your mother that what they like is, to you, a complete horror and that's when you've got to start getting creative. Or start lying like a rug.

This is the new wallpaper my MIL has put up in her livingroom:



Yeah, I know it's got fold lines in it. She had brought over this sample last weekend and it had been folded up in her purse. Still, I don't believe the fold lines detract from the shiny, peachy-colored background and the raised, poop brown pattern. My MIL brought it over last weekend so she could show it to B and she said "Do you like it?". I kept saying "Oh! Wow!". B was more non-committal and would only grunt "Hmmm!". My MIL didn't seem to really notice our lack of enthusiasm but did say that I would need to get a picture of it the next time I was over at her place so B could see the full effect on the walls.

I did have to go over there the other day to fetch something and unfortunately I forgot my camera so I can't show you the aforementioned "full effect" but let me just say this. Ho-lee-shit. I can't begin to describe what a horror this wallpaper is. First, my MIL's living room is fairly small and it is stuffed full of furniture. A huge cabinet that covers an entire sixteen foot long wall save for about six inches on each side. A three seater sofa and two large upholstered chairs. An enormous aquarium. A sideboard that covers most of an four foot long wall. I reckon my MIL and Gerd (and I'm blaming this all on him) didn't feel hemmed in enough and thought that slapping up that wallpaper would give visitors a more cozy feeling - that is if being in an MRI machine is your idea of cozy. I've been in that room a jillion times but this time it felt like the walls were going to move in and squeeze me to death before the visit was over.

And naturally my MIL wanted to know how I liked it. Being completely honest and saying "Are you kidding? It's awful! Tackiest thing I've ever seen. This room looks like a combination of a tunnel and the waiting area in a bordello!" was out of the question but saying "Ohhh! Nice! Very nice!" was equally out of the question so it was time to get creative. At first I said "Wow! It's something, isn't it? Very impressive!" and then when she kept on about how nice this wallpaper was I switched to saying "It's certainly unique!" and finally had to start giving the truth a beating by saying "It really is elegant!"

My claustrophobia was starting to kick in so I grabbed what I came to get in the first place and got out of there before I had to start complimenting the great job Gerd did with hanging the wallpaper. He didn't. He left the old wallpaper up - textured wall paper - and you can see the texture through the new stuff. Any non-offensive comments I might make about his handiwork would be out-and-out lies. I gotta draw the line somewhere.

Time to shuffle.

1. Oh No - Andrew Bird
2. Problems - Alter Me
3. My Way - The Sex Pistols
4. My Girls - Animal Collective
5. Standing On The Moon - Grateful Dead (Can we just pause here a moment to marvel at the fact that a Grateful Dead song is on my iPod?! I have three of them now, as a matter of fact. The impossible may not be impossible after all!)
6. Books From Boxes - Maximo Park
7. That Certain Party - Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis
8. Itchycoo Park - The Small Faces
9. Dance With Somebody - Mando Diao
10. Goodnight (I'm So Sorry) - Christopher Jak