Dixie Peach: Plagued

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Sunday, April 16, 2006


In my home the crappy stuff seems to happen on holidays.

Once when it was Pfingsten (Pentecost to you non-German speaking folks...Pentecost is a two day holiday here) B was horribly ill with pneumonia and a fairly high fever. Luckily our doctor adores B and she made a housecall on Pfingsten Sunday afternoon when she had a house full of guests waiting on her.

There is the Good Friday broken window.

Today for Easter my disaster was named Wolfgang. For newer readers, Wolfgang is a buddy of B's. He broke up with his wife a couple years ago and we went from seeing him four or five times a year to four or five times a week because he decided to move into our apartment building on the floor above ours. Leaving him behind when we moved to our new apartment caused me to shed no tears. He's not really a bad guy but he tends to annoy me no end. He believes that if I'm unfamiliar with a word in German, repeating the word to me at a shout will give me instant understanding. He'll tell me to speak German if I say two words to B in English which has caused me to say to him on more than once occasion "Fella, when you start paying the rent around here you can tell me what language to speak. Don't tell me what to do in my home.". He has BO on occasion - something I can barely tolerate. He likes to tease me. He creeped out my friend Mollie within five minutes of meeting him. He drops in without warning. He calls our apartment and says to know, the homebound quadriplegic..."Hey, are you home?". And when he kisses me hello or goodbye his lips are just a leeeetle too open for my comfort.

So when Wolfgang called Saturday afternoon and invited himself over for coffee and cake on Easter Sunday afternoon, I didn't take it well. As a matter of fact as it turns out the snapping and disagreeable talk between B and I on Friday turned out to be mere warm-up to what I let loose with when B hung up the phone.

There was a time when I would sit in silence when we had guests in our home because I couldn't understand what anyone was saying. Today I sat in relative silence because if I'd bothered to listen to Wolfgang's blatherings my brain would have dripped out of my head and onto my lap. It turns out that the good stuff was saved for when I took the dog out for a walk and I left B and Wolfgang alone. That's when then manly man talk cranked up. That's when Wolfgang told B that he took some new woman that he met a few weeks ago to a Pink Floyd tribute laser show that lasted for three hours and then they went back to his apartment where they listened to Pink Floyd CDs for another three hours before retiring to his bedroom for...and B swears he used these words..."sexual gymnastics". I was told all this when Wolfgang went home.

I don't know what repulses me more. A grown man saying "sexual gymnastics" or the idea of people listening to Pink Floyd for six straight hours without the benefit of any doobie, Cap'n Crunch or Doritos.


Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Ewww, could this guy be any creepier? Ick.

11:34 AM  
Blogger Jemima said...

These are what are known as a catalogue of character forming experiences. Lucky you, kinda.

12:28 PM  
Blogger christina said...

Eeeeew. And LOL! Sounds like ol' Wolfgang needs a few lessons in the social graces.

Holidays are a such a great time for crappy stuff, aren't they?

1:18 PM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

UGH! Someone once said that we all have at least one "irregular" person in our lives! Sounds like he definitely fits the bill!

1:23 PM  
Blogger Claire said...

LOL! That guy sounds like a real winner. Perhaps his wife left him?

1:24 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Yeah, before I even arrived at your comments my nose was wrinkled and my lips were in the process of silently mouthing "ewwwwwwwwww". Why does B tolerate this being? And is he okay with the fact that this man is probably only hanging around that much so he can oggle your behind?

8:44 PM  
Blogger sari said...

Ahh, the creepy friend. Doesn't it seem like every husband has one?

At least you got out for a nice walk.

And I actually, sadly, can imagine him saying that in this day and age, though it strikes me more as something Steve Martin would've said on SNL in about 1979 (because, you know, he was a wild an crazy guy).

9:36 PM  
Blogger jen said...

the six hours of pink floyd without drugs say it all. you crack me up.

10:30 PM  
Blogger JT said...

What does Bonnie think of this creep? Dogs are generally great judges of character.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous titankt said...

Heheheh, I can chuckle at this... but ONLY because he's not at MY house. You poor thing. Hey, I know what it's like to have to tolerate a husband's friends. My ex had this one friend that... oh, no... there's too much to go into detail. Every single thing about that guy was slimy or unpleasant. Thank GOD he never talked about sex... I couldn't have handled that. Just the IDEA of sex and that guy in the same room is so beyond repulsive I cannot even tell you.

So, I'm sorry Wolfgang ruined your Easter. But it was a very amusing story! I liked the "sexual gymnastics" part the best... guy sounds like he fell straight outta the 70s. Does he have lots of chest hair and wear polyester?

6:26 AM  

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