Dixie Peach: Sweating palms

Cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Sweating palms

I have a moment to check in so I thought I'd let everyone know that my family arrived safe and sound.

I, on the other hand, nearly had the living shit scared out of me on the trip to the airport. I got an airport shuttle service to drive me to Hannover to pick up my sister and her family and drive us back to Magdeburg. To say this guy was a scary-ass driver doesn't even remotely touch the situation. I am not a fearful passenger. I don't normally cringe at fast driving. I do, however, highly object at hurtling towards stopped traffic at 150kph. There would be a sea of brake lights ahead and this old bastard driving would be all "Oh! I guess I should stop this car! SCREEEEEECH!".

I tried not to squeal out loud too much but there were three or four times I literally feared for my life. All I could think was "I'm going to die in this car with this old fat man with hair in his ears while listening to shitty music on the radio.". I was also having thoughts of beating him over the head, throwing him from the car and taking the wheel myself but landing in jail would really screw up my family's vacation. I also had thoughts of saying "I'm not getting back in the car with you. Dump me at the airport and I'll get back another way. Getting picked up by a psychotic ax murderer would be a better alternative than riding with you." but this man was such a dimwit I wasn't sure he was going to understand my meaning. This guy was so ignorant that he couldn't understand that my husband is German. I told him this about seven times. I told him that B was born and raised in Magdeburg and at one point he asked me if my husband speaks German.

Who let this fuckwit out of his cage?

Due to a lot of traffic jams on the Autobahn we were forty-five minutes late getting to the airport and I was just anxious to get my family loaded up and headed towards home.

Did I forget to mention that while we were told we'd be driven in a van we were instead in a Skoda sedan? Myself, my sister, my BIL, my nephew, fat-stupid-driver and a pile of luggage. We practically had to be greased up to shove ourselves into the car.

My sister is practically fearless. She doesn't even flinch when being driven by the craziest taxi driver in New York City or Boston but this guy scared her blind. Jerky steering, lurching from lane to lane, passing cars while never really fully getting into the other lane, sometimes driving between lanes, all while driving 180kph (that's 108mph...let me remind you that we were in a Skoda) - it all added up to scaring her sufficiently enough to claim that she'd see him in hell before she got in the car with that man again.

So while we're having a great visit together, I've got to find another way to get them back to Hannover to the airport. Deutsche Bahn is looking exceptionally good to me right now. At least when they're driving 180kph they're on the tracks alone.


Blogger marshamlow said...

I hope you have a lovely visit. Now the one thing destined to go wrong is over with, it will all be smooth sailing.

11:48 PM  
Blogger christina said...

oh. my. god. I would have been a basket case. I'm SO glad you all got back safely. You should report that guy for unsafe driving. Like it would do any good, but anyway.

Yeah,on the way back, you guys could take the train to the Hannover station and then get the S-Bahn to the airport. It's only 17 minutes.

Have a great visit with your family! :-)

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Belinda said...

lord did you get my dad as a driver? LOL

Sooooo glad you all got back home in one piece! It's such a shame they've come all this way and had crappy weather :( but spending time with each other is sunshine enough!

8:35 AM  
Blogger Claire said...

Nothing says "Welcome to Germany" like a crazy guy on the autobahn. I think I passed that guy on the way to work this morning!

I hope that your family can enjoy themselves nonetheless.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Jemima said...

I had a similar experience with a friend of friend of a friend who called the police 'pigs' with no sense of irony, driving me to and from a Rammstein concert. I think it's the German connection that causes fearlessly fast driving. Or is it just men drivers? I really thought I have to find another way to get home, this is suicide. The guy had already had one accident that week!

Sadly I am British and hate to offend people to their faces, or cause offence, so I risked life, got back in record time and went off to bitch about the psycho on the internet where he can't hear me.

11:39 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Hopefully with that behind you all will be smooth sailing. Hope the visit is all you want it to be!

1:45 AM  
Blogger JT said...


Still, it couldn't be worse than the time you almost lost B out the back of the van because A) the driver hadn't locked B's wheelchair in, and B) the van doors flew open while speeding down the autobahn...

... or could it?

Wow... that was a long time ago, wasn't it?

4:21 AM  
Blogger MPC said...

Yikes! I'm glad you all made it safe and sound. There has to be another airport shuttle service to get them back to teh airport, right?

2:27 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Girlfriend, I recognize that man. He's a loaner from the Aachen taxi service. I rode with him a five mile trip to the hospital and all the while he kept assuring me "you not going to die! you not going to die!" I kept thinking it was a good thing I was on the way to the hospital because odds were I was going to need them.

3:31 PM  
Blogger sari said...

Once a few years ago I was riding in the car with my grandmother and I was LITERALLY praying for my life I was so scared of her driving. And she swears like a sailor, so with the driving and swearing and praying (and one of my kids in the car at the time) I totally know where you're coming from, it was absolute terror.

I'm glad you survived the ride!! I hope you have a great visit!

10:23 PM  
Blogger beege said...

Hooray for family!!!!!

My mother is flying out the end of the month and I'm so excited!

Enjoy your time together. I know it will fly by!

3:11 AM  
Anonymous titankt said...

*wipes tears from eyes* It may have been hell for you (and your sister), but you describe it so damn funny, my belly aches now. Thank you for the laugh and the story. I sincerely hope you have a lovely visit (I'm sure you will) and I heartily look forward to the next installment!

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Belinda said...

Kim just checkin' back and wanted to say that I hope you're continuing to have a lovely time with your family!

PLUS. the sun is out :D

9:35 AM  
Blogger Ginnie said...

I, too, would have been a total basket case! Hopefully your time with the family has made you forget the worst of it!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Romani Heart said...

psst.. I'm moving.

7:13 PM  

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