Friday Shuffle - China Thieves Edition

It's been another week where not much has gone on around here except for me knitting and ripping back the sock I'm knitting for Boob-Ha-Ha so I'm a bit low on content. So instead, how about a story? I told this story to Poppy a couple months ago and she told me that I would have to include it here some time so here goes. Per Poppy's request -

Let me start by saying that I was not personally witness to this story but I've heard it so many times and I know my parents so well and how they interacted with one another that I not only know what was said between them but exactly how it was said.

We lived in a one-story house, an L shaped affair. My parents' bedroom was at the far end and the living room/dining room combo was at the intersection of the L. In the middle of the night my mother woke up in a start and frantically woke my father whispering:

"Honey! Honey! Wake up! Someone has broke in the house!"

"Wha...?"

"Someone has broken into the house! Robbers have broken in! And they're stealing the china!"

"What? Stealing the china? Who in the hell would be stealing the china?"

"I don't know! But I hear it! They're stealing the china! Get up and see what's going on!"

"I'm not getting up!"

"But they're stealing the china!"

"Well hell, let 'em!"

My parents had the sort of relationship where my mother would invariably have a ridiculous request and my father could only put off fulfilling the request but for so long. Grumbling, he got up to go down the hall and confront the china robbers.

Robbers in the house stealing china or not, my mother suddenly had to get up to pee. She got out of bed, walked the two feet to the master bathroom, flipped on the light and got the surprise of her life. The bathroom was hosed down in diarrhea. Dog diarrhea. One of our dogs would have rather burst than ever poop in the house while the other felt no such dedication to in-house cleanliness if circumstances warranted so knowing which dog was the culprit was no trick to determine. This dog, Katie, was also bad to dig into the trash for any disgusting morsels her doggy palate might find tasty so it also wasn't unheard of for her to get a bout of crippling diarrhea. And boy did she leave her mark in the bathroom. Doggy poo was all over the floors, the walls and all over the glass shower doors. That was the noise my mother heard in her sleep. Not robbers stealing the china, a little Sheltie hosing down the shower stall with liquid poop.

My mother, not turning on the hall light, headed towards the dining room to tell my father what had transpired and to call off the china theft alert. When she got to the living room she nearly tripped over my father who was on his hands and knees mopping up the carpet by the dim light that was being cast from the kitchen.

"Honey, no one was stealing the china. It was Katie. She has diarrhea and has pooped all over the bathroom."

My father was furious that he'd been dragged out of bed in the first place on a wild china robber chase. "You're telling me!" he hollered. "I came down the hall and found her in the act! And when I started to wipe it up she backed up to me and damn near shit in my face!"

Nothing to do after a story like that than shuffle. Let's hit it!

1. Welcome To Paradise - Green Day (From the Dookie album, no less!)
2. Push - Matchbox 20
3. I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend - The Ramones
4. Bleibt Alles Anders - Herbert Grönemeyer
5. Kingdom of Doom - The Good, The Bad & The Queen
   
6. Say Goodbye - Dave Matthews Band
7. Build Me Up, Buttercup - The Foundations
8. Far Far Away - Slade
9. Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
10. Love Rollercoaster - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Enjoy your weekend. And keep the trash covered.