Pat Yourself on the Back
I'm happy to report that after my meltdown on Monday I'm feeling quite a bit more confident about leaving B next week. I think I needed to get it out of my system and hear a little reassurance from B and others.
I'm not normally someone who worries. I try to live by the idea that a vast majority of things we worry about are either things that won't even happen or things that are completely out of our control and fretting will not make anything better. I also try to live by the idea that we shouldn't borrow trouble. If trouble is coming, it'll come on it's own. I have no need to set out the welcome mat and keep the door unlocked. Trouble comes with a battering ram and a bad attitude.
Thinking over the situation has helped. Not worrying but more or less analyzing what my concerns are and considering if they're valid. Yes, B could very well become sick or hurt but his doctor is available to us at all times - if he were sick enough she could be called at home if necessary. She'll be seeing him the day after I leave and B's dermatologist will see him a few days before I return home so if he's getting a sore it can be looked at easily. I will go over everything with my MIL to refresh her memory of how B's to be looked after. And it's her son. She's certainly not going to neglect him. If she didn't want to take care of him while I'm gone she'd have refused the job months ago when this trip was first considered.
And the comments y'all left? Wonderful. Not only are they kind and encouraging but they remind me that I really do need a vacation. I need some time where I don't have to be available to someone all the time. I need to visit with those I miss and sleep late and go to movies and get a manicure and go shopping and not be consumed with care giving. I love my life and I love to take care of B but I need to rejuvenate or I'm not going to be able to do my best job for him. Thank you all so much for saying exactly what I needed to hear.
So when I get on that plane in a week and I have butterflies in my stomach and a bit of anxiety about leaving B behind for a couple weeks I'm going to remember the words y'all wrote and it's going to help me settle down and be calm. Until the next bout of anxiety flares up, anyway.
You can try it but I don't think you can talk me down from the panic over the creepy airplane food and the crappy in-flight movie.