Pat Yourself on the Back
I'm happy to report that after my meltdown on Monday I'm feeling quite a bit more confident about leaving B next week. I think I needed to get it out of my system and hear a little reassurance from B and others.
I'm not normally someone who worries. I try to live by the idea that a vast majority of things we worry about are either things that won't even happen or things that are completely out of our control and fretting will not make anything better. I also try to live by the idea that we shouldn't borrow trouble. If trouble is coming, it'll come on it's own. I have no need to set out the welcome mat and keep the door unlocked. Trouble comes with a battering ram and a bad attitude.
Thinking over the situation has helped. Not worrying but more or less analyzing what my concerns are and considering if they're valid. Yes, B could very well become sick or hurt but his doctor is available to us at all times - if he were sick enough she could be called at home if necessary. She'll be seeing him the day after I leave and B's dermatologist will see him a few days before I return home so if he's getting a sore it can be looked at easily. I will go over everything with my MIL to refresh her memory of how B's to be looked after. And it's her son. She's certainly not going to neglect him. If she didn't want to take care of him while I'm gone she'd have refused the job months ago when this trip was first considered.
And the comments y'all left? Wonderful. Not only are they kind and encouraging but they remind me that I really do need a vacation. I need some time where I don't have to be available to someone all the time. I need to visit with those I miss and sleep late and go to movies and get a manicure and go shopping and not be consumed with care giving. I love my life and I love to take care of B but I need to rejuvenate or I'm not going to be able to do my best job for him. Thank you all so much for saying exactly what I needed to hear.
So when I get on that plane in a week and I have butterflies in my stomach and a bit of anxiety about leaving B behind for a couple weeks I'm going to remember the words y'all wrote and it's going to help me settle down and be calm. Until the next bout of anxiety flares up, anyway.
You can try it but I don't think you can talk me down from the panic over the creepy airplane food and the crappy in-flight movie.
Labels: caregiving
posted by Dixie at 9:57 PM
7Comments:
When you get on that plane next week, just remember how danged excited I am that in just over two weeks from now we'll be knitting and eating and laughing together.
Do not forget that no matter what- NO MATTER WHAT- you could be on a plane and back within hours.
All will be fine! You will have a super trip. Safe trip and before you know it you will be back with B saying "It wasnt long enough but it felt like ages being away from you. What the hell is Mollie doing here?"
D Mollie
Load up Bixente and your trip over the water will be over so quickly. Also, make yourself a nice mayonnaise sandwich or two and stick them down in your knitting bag. You're going to the land of cheap mayonnaise so you can replenish. I can't wait to hear what you buy to take back to Germany. And what you choose to eat when you arrive in Mississippi. Fried pickles? with your Sonic burger?
Everything will be just fine. You need the break and so does he. Everyone needs a change of pace now and then. Think of all the things you are going to ship over while you are stateside. You should mark some to open now, open when we talk, open when I get back. That will be more fun. I also take stationary or note cards on the plane. So I can write to someone during the flight and mail it when I land. You can write B and it will be the first piece of mail he gets from you while you are on vacation.
Get rid of that cardboard!!!! ;)
Once a year, my husband and I take a week without our children. Every year I cry as I leave and panick over what might happen. And every year I return a better mother and a better caretaker. It is not wrong to take a break and recharge. You can feel bad and be nervous, but once you are off the plane, enjoy it.
You deserve a vacation more than anyone I know. I'm glad that your anxiety has abated a bit. You're right on all points - there are lots of people who have B.'s best interests at heart. And if you get panicked while you're stateside, there's a pack of us who'll help you through it.
Yeah, don't concentrate on the journey for once, concentrate on the goal. I have the feeling this trip is going to be a blast. I can't wait to hear about it when you get back.
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